New beginnings
by Audrey Deedee
Summary: Post season 2 finale. Chris and Jim are at odds because they kissed in 2x20. Molly is flirting with Jim and Chris really wants things to work between her and Ty and Kyra. But what does that mean for their friendship? The story is written from Jim and Chris' points of view. Stris focus. I repost here the story I've started last July. I made some adjustements ! Hope you like it!
1. 1 - First part - Going Forwards - Jim

**First part : going forwards**

**Jim :**

Seafret – Oceans : watch?v=RpdXBjwXbMg

I don't know what I did that night. Kissing her.. Really? After what she told me about her and Thompson. What I was thinking ? ?

Since the moment happened, Jim couldn't stop thinking about it. Chris was not looking at him the way she used to. She was cold, distant. She didn't even talk like they talked before. Like something was broken. He should have been more careful and not obey his instincts.

Ok I was attracted to her since the day I arrived in SWAT team but that's not a reason! She warned me many times and I only listened to my needs… Damn it !

That day in the kitchen at work, when she told me we couldn't be friends anymore killed me. How such a short moment broke my world, our world apart? Ty and Kyra, she's sure she loves them but that's a mistake. That day, I couldn't keep it for me; I told her aloud. And she pushed me… "Not your problem, Street". But IT IS MY PROBLEM.. And I was honest when I said I don't want her heart broken. But she didn't hear me (or chose not to…). She doesn't even look at me… I know we are not together and I doubt we might be one day but I still need her to be my friend… She's the person who understands me clearly.. She saw me when I was dragging down with my mum and she didn't judge me. She was harsh – one of her qualities !- but she was right. And if she had not been here, I would have dragged down with my mum. Thanks to her, I opened my eyes and understood my mother only wanted to get things from me…

This afternoon, we assist to Deacon's moment of fame – he so deserved it ! He' kind of a model for me – and we couldn't sit next to each other… We are so tense about what happened and we can talk about it because she refuses to think about it or even erase it from her memory… I looked at her anyway… I know she felt it .. Or is it just my mind which played ticks on me? I'd rather tell me that she didn't notice it… It makes the situation easier to bear.

Even if it is complicated, I am trying to move on and explore new situations. I was sitting next to Molly, Hicks' daughter. He was nice to see someone so nice and pleasant to talk. No drama. Just two people sharing thoughts and funny words in a joyful moment. I almost forgot Chris for a moment.

No… I have to stop thinking of her… She made it clear she didn't want to have something to do with me in anyway except at work. I need to move on and get out of this relation… It is a fact : I need to see other people and get Chris out of my mind and it is starting now ! Tomorrow, I'll call Molly to have a drink and maybe a meal together. I will see where it takes me (if possible as far away as possible from Chris…).

Taking my courage into both hands, I call Molly this morning and we decide to see each other tonight after work. I don't know if it will make me forget about Chris. But one thing is sure : if I do nothing about it, I will become crazy before the end of the week.

Molly and I met at Betty's dinner in Santa Monica at 7. We both had a hell of a day at work – Chris didn't even tell me a word ! Ok I stop talking about her ! – and our appointment was really a good idea. We talked (a lot!) about weather, cooking, animals, our jobs, movies and even our school years. It was a very great night. The kind of night you would like it never ended. We decided to see each other another time. Because we both know something could come out os this, something nice, cool, real…

We kept seeing each other for weeks. After 2 months, we decided to tell about our relationship to his father because we were tired of hiding. Hicks was happy for us. He told me I was a good guy for his daughter, but I had to be very careful not to hurt her or he will come after me. We laughed a lot that night. Everything was so easy, sweet, nice. I was happy and my fight with Chris was only a bed memory. Nowadays, we were only colleagues and I know she will always have my six. But that outside work, we couldn't see each other. Our paths of life were too different. It had been very difficult to accept . I was proud of myself to have succeeded in coming at this point in my life. All had been possible thanks to Molly. She really was my lucky charm. She led me on the right way and I had to take care of her the best way I could.


	2. 1 First part - Going Forwards - Chris

**First part : going forwards**

**Chris :**

Imagine Dragons – Dreams : watch?v=BWu7JDETw_I

_I was right when I pushed Jim away. It couldn't happen once again! I couldn't date a cop. What happened with Thompson was so unbearable, unhealthy, mad. I had to keep my line clear. I am glad I did it before it went deeper. It had already gone too far… Kissing him? What I was thinking? I shouldn't have stopped at his house after the fundraising. I was weak after I saw Ty and Kyra falling in love again and again, and this fight with Annie… It was too much… And he is.. was… is (I don't really know where we are right now) my best friend… And this happened. Please ! How could I let this happen? Stupid, stupid girl. _

_All I know now is I'm happy with Ty and Kyra. I agree to live with them, they're gonna get married and we will be happy. No need for a Jim to come between me and my lovers. I just need to follow my lead and everything will be alright! I was right when I told him in the break room that I always have his back at work but outside, it will be different. We cannot see outside of work again. That will be unfair to him, to Ty and Kyra and to me. I am really committed to my Ty and Kyra. They are so kind to me and I feel loved. Is it all I need, isn't it? _

_Today was Deacon's day : I am so proud of him and his work. He was hurt earlier this year and he manages to come back to work after only a few months. He is a force of nature. He's there for Annie, his kids and he's so good at his job despite every mess he met. This guy is my hero! I was so glad to be there for him today. In the front row. To see him receive this medal which rewards all his sacrifices, his courage and his dignity._

_I made everything in my power to avoid Jim's eyes. No way we had another shitty talks. It was Deacon's day… But I can't hide I was sad he sat so far away from me… At least, it shows he understood what I told him in the break room. He respects me… But God It was so hard ! I never expected it would be so painful to see him and not to talk to him. I really miss these old days when we could talk about everything, when he teased me, when I joked about his habits… I'm sure I made the right choice anyway. I had to cut things with Jim to be 100% honest with Ty and Kyra… But God my eyes would have liked to turn to him, I would have killed someone just to smile at him, and Oh God my heart broke when I saw this Molly came sit just next to him… I know I shouldn't have felt that way. Because Jim is only my colleague, a good one, but he needs to stay this way. _

_It became worse when he started talking with her. The way he smiled at her… It woke up old memories… But I have to let go because now I have Ty and Kyra in my life. And I promise myself I let them first because they are important to me. Jim is only a part of my past. I was happy to be so close to him. By now, I have to move on and go forwards because my future is right in front of me! _

_So go girl and do not let a man guide your way of living. Jim is a nice guy but he is not yours because you will never again date a cop… _

_But deep down inside me, I cannot stop thinking to this moment when Jim looked at Molly , the moment they share words, the moment they smiled together… Ok Chris it's time to think about something else. You have a life to live ! Go to hell, Jim Street !_


	3. 2 Second part - Still standing - Jim

**_Second part : Still Standing_**

**_Jim:_**

**_Song : Seafret - Missing_**

"It's been months since Chris and I spoke and even if it was difficult at the beginning, I have to say my life has really improved since we broke off all ties! No more drama, no more cries, no more sadness… My life was really cool at the moment. I'd been seeing Molly for 4 months and I had to say I'm feeling pretty well.

"Molly was really a nice girl. And she was funny. And she was smart. And she was clever. And she was good. I felt fine when I was with her. We enjoyed every moment simply. And I had to say I loved this relationship. It'd been a while since I dated someone seriously. And I really liked this feeling: Molly made me feel lighter, happier, funnier. I was a new man… At least I was up to this moment I found an old acquaintance under my porch…

"At that moment, I didn't know what to do. It was like I was back months earlier . Not knowing what to do with my feelings. Why I was feeling like this? I was building something really cool with Molly, something strong and solid. But when I saw her sitting in front of my house with her luggage, I couldn't resist.. She seemed so fragile and alone. And it was raining so much – I think it was never raining in Los Angeles ! – It was impossible to let her here the whole night. Why didn't she knock at the door? It was as if she was ashamed but she was so strong-headed she refused to make the first move.

"What to do? If I didn't do anything, I was gonna feel so bad but if I let her come back in my life again, I was gonna feel miserable because last time, she had broken me…So many questions in my head right now. I was thinking about Molly, How we felt fine together, how we laughed about nonsense and how life was easy with her… And I was thinking about Chris, about her bad temper, her conviction, about her and only her…

"Chris, are you Ok? She doesn't answer. "What are you doing here?" Still silent. "Do you need any help? You can't stay here. You're gonna get a cold or worse. Please come back with inside." She remained lifeless, voiceless…She didn't even move. I didn't know what to do. I would have liked to help her, to tell her something to comfort her but I was like frozen… So, I took her suitcase and put it in my bedroom. And when I came back, I held my hand out to her and to my great surprise, she looked at me and took it. I could swear I even saw the start of a smile on her face. We were both wet because of the rain and at that moment, I understood because when I arrived at SWAT Unit, I fell for Chris Alonso.

"Even after all she had done to me, she remained my best friend. She did so much for me when my mother dragged me to the ground, when I was out of SWAT and then back, when I was so a fool that I thought I could play badass with Hondo while he was just trying to help me. Now she was in a bad place and as his best friend, I had to be there to help her.

"I told her to get new clothes, she was so wet. I gave her a towel to dry her hair. We didn't share a word. She was not in that mood. The day she'll need to talk, she'll come to see me and she'll tell me everything that happened tonight. For the moment, she just needed to know I was there. Nothing more. Nothing less. She sat in the sofa. I went to the kitchen to make some coffee because I was so cold. She might be too. When I came back, she was deeply asleep . I took her and lay her down in my bed. Under the quilt, she looked like a little girl. I took my stuff and went to settle my bed for the night in the sofa.

"That was the moment Luca chose to come back home. "What are you doing here?" I told him to stay quiet and showed him my bedroom. "What's happening? Molly's here? Ohhh no ! Another girl? You really are a womanizer!". I rolled my eyes. "No kidding? Who is she?". He really needed to be quieter.

"It's Chris. I found her earlier sitting under our porch." He looked as puzzled as I was when I found her hours earlier. "What is she doing here? I thought she was so into Ty and Kyra, she wanted to share any of her free time with them…"I was as surprised as he was but it was a fact, she was here, she went to find me and I was not giving her up. "To be honest, I don't know Luca. She didn't say a word since I found her and brought her inside hours ago".

"Luca shrugged his shoulders and went to his bedroom. He was tired and just wanted to go to bed. Since he was seeing Kelly's mother, Lucas was another man. He stopped partying and spent a lot of his free time with Kelly and her mother. Even if he didn't say it, I knew he enjoyed these moments with the kid and this woman. He seemed to have changed, to have grown up. He didn't even tease me tonight and yet Chris was in my bed!

"This night, I fall asleep just after I checked Chris was alright…


	4. 2 - Second Part - Still Standing - Chris

**_Second part : Still Standing_**

**Chris :**

**Song: Banners - Half Light**

_"I don't know why I came here. All I know was that I was all alone, outside, with no place to go and all I could think was him… So I took my suitcase with all my stuff inside and flew from this place I called for a while, home._

_"Now, when I thought about this place, I only remembered screams and uneasiness. I was happy for a moment, I felt blessed, protected but it was a lie. It was not happiness. It was only a good moment. I really liked Ty and Kyra, they were kind to me… Our triplet was a great experiment, they learnt me that you can love several people at a same time… But not in the same way. You always love someone stronger, deeper than another one. You have a special person in your heart, someone who gets you whatever you say or not, whatever you do or not, whenever you are, at any time._

_"That night, I went back home after shift. Ty and Kyra were once again angry at me because I worked late. They didn't get my work is not like theirs. I have no timetable, no hours. I can go home on time or so late I don't ever want to get me food. Tonight was one of those nights. I worked all night and got back home at 10 p.m. They were waiting for me in the living room. From the moment, I entered the apartment I knew something bad was gonna to happen._

_They threw me away. They couldn't stand the passion I had for my job. I tried many times to explain to them how I felt when I went into action but they were never listening to what I had to say. They said I spent too many times with my SWAT family, that I was more implicated with what happened in SWAT than what happened at home. After more than two hours of debating about what I should do with my life, they asked me to choose between them and my job… I was so stunned I didn't know what to tell them… _

_And that's how I ended up in the street with my suitcase. I was so disconcerted. Why did they dump me like that? After all I had been through for them. After all I left behind for them. I was all alone in the street, my suitcase was my only friend…_

_I remained like that for hours (I can't ever tell how many…). I wandered for hours, I had no where to go. I left my apartment months ago to live with Ty and Kyra. That's how I arrived in Street's garden. Do not even ask me how I ended up there. I didn't even know myself. All I knew was that it was the only place I could think about when I looked for a place to go._

_I sat under the porch and waited… I was wet. It was raining so much ! But I couldn't knock on the door and ask Jim to let me in. Not after what I did to him, after what I told him… I felt so ashamed. I didn't have the right to treat him like that. He was nothing but kind to me and I threw him away…_

_But he finally found me. However, I didn't make a noise. I didn't dare to talk. He didn't know what to say. He finally asked me some questions but I barely heard them. I remained frozen… I only remembered he took my suitcase which was next to me and came back to bring me inside. I was so cold. I was shivering. He led me to his bedroom and told me to change my clothes; He gave me a towel. And then he left. He was so nice to me after all I had done and said. At that moment, I realized how much I messed up with him months ago. I could never repair the damage I did. But despite all the bad things I made and said to him, he was there to help me and I could never forget that._

_I went to the living room and sat on the sofa. I was so tired, so sad, so empty. Before I knew anything, I felt asleep. I dreamt about Ty and Kyra, about my family, about Jim… In the morning, I woke up in a bed. I opened my eyes and recognized Jim's bed. I was alone in the room. He should have brought me here yesterday night after I fell asleep in the coach._

_I checked the hour. It was already 7 a.m. Time to go to work. I woke up and dressed. I found Jim and Luca in the kitchen drinking their first coffee of the day. I smiled at them, they smiled back. I sat and drank a cup of coffee too. It was nice, calm..Everything I need after the hurricane I had to get through last night…._


	5. 3 - Third Part - Too close -Jim

Third part: too close?

**Song : Seafret – Be There**

**Jim : **

This morning, when Chris comes in the kitchen and eats her breakfast with us, it feels like she belongs to this house. Not a word, just smiles and silence. Even Luca does not even say a word ! Since he was dating Kelly's mother (OK he doesn't say he's dating her but we all know he's spending all his free time with her. And we all know what it means !), he has been calmer. I really like this new face he has been showing me for months. Luca squeezed Chris' shoulder before he left the room.

"Time to go, kids!". He told us.

I grabbed my stuff and went to my bike. Before I could say a word, Chris was sitting behind me. I didn't say a word. All I need to know was I enjoyed having her so close to me, having her arms around my waist and feeling her breath in my neck. I should not feel like that because I am in a relationship with Molly now. And I'm very happy with her. She is a really nice girl. But I can't help feeling that way when Chris is around me….

(Un)Fortunately, we were already at SWAT building. I parked the bike. Chris got off and went directly to the locker room. I stayed in the parking lot for a moment, trying to clear my mind. I had to stop thinking about her like that, especially now! I am in a relationship, I am happy and Chris is my colleague. She made it very clear weeks ago after we kissed. In a few days, everything will be back in order : Chris will be back with Ty and Kyra in their apartment. All I have to do is wait…

The shift was very cool today. Only a few dealers to catch and some kids to put back on the right track. I like when sometimes you have the time to talk with your colleagues and spend some quality time with the people you work with : Tan talked to me about his girlfriend, Bonnie and he really loves her. Deac showed us pictures of his kids, Hondo's mom brought pastry… For a moment, I forgot about my so messy personal life. And God, it feels so good to just be a simple man working for SWAT !

Tonight, when I left work, I didn't know how to act with Chris. I didn't show her during the day. Either she was teaming with Hondo, or she was training alone. She barely told a word to anyone. But Chris is Chris and no one ever worries about her behavior because she is a lone wolf sometimes. And tonight was one of this day.

As I was in the locker room, she quietly came next to me and asked me when I was planning to go home because our shift was over.

"I'm packing my stuff and planning to go home in 10 minutes max…" I didn't know how to ask her if she was coming back to my place tonight. But I have to. She seems as uncomfortable as I. I looked at her and for the first time since we spoke in the break room, she looked me back in the eyes.

At that precise moment, I felt courageous enough to ask her what was in my mind for hours: "Are you coming back to my place tonight… I mean I don't know what you're about to do tonight ..; And all your stuff are there… So .."

I couldn't help but stumbling. The words got out of my mouth but I didn't have control over them.

She was not good at word either… Then, she simply nodded and smiled me back. A few minutes later, we were on our way home on my bike. And once again, I felt speechless when she put her arms around my waist…

Chris didn't move for weeks. She stayed at my house and to be fair, I didn't push her to leave. Each morning, we ate breakfast together. Luca was not here because he spent more and more time with Kelly and her mom. Each night after shift, we came home with my bike and spent the night to play videogames, watch movies, play flipper or babyfoot. We fell asleep in the coach and the day after, we laughed about how much we were tired and aching.

I liked those moments when everything was easy… It was just good times between two friends. We shared stories, we laughed, we teased Luca about his girlfriend. Tonight was as ordinary as the other night until…

"Don't ever think to cheat, Street"

"What are you telling that? I amnot cheating, I'm just better than you. Not the same thing"

"No, no, no. You are not right. You are cheating and I can prove it. You look at my cards. I know it !"

"Why can't you accept your defeat? It would be easier for you to…'

That was the moment Molly chose to come and meet me. "Hi, am I bothering you?"

"Molly?! No… not at all… please come in ! Um… You were playing poker with Chris…. Do you like to join us?"

"Um.. I thought you were supposed to have dinner tonight. That's why I come here. We have planned this for weeks. "

For a moment, I panicked. I DID not remember this reservation. How could I have forgotten that? Molly must never know I forgot about this! Especially, since Chris was living at my house for almost two weeks now (she might ignore this information as well). "Of course ! I was just finishing my turn and was about to call you. You give just a few minutes and I'll be ready to go with you!".

I got out of the room and took the first shirt and trousers I found to get dressed for a night out. I could hear the silence which fulfilled the living room where I left Chris and Molly. I had to hurry up. In less than 5 minutes, I was ready to go. "Let's go to this fantastic restaurant everyone is talking about!"

I left the room looking at Chris. She looked as puzzled as I. We were so fine just 10 minutes ago. We were playing and everything was easy. And the universe decided to change my plans for tonight. No more cosy night with my best friend but a date with my pretty, smart girlfriend. And something told me this date would be lively…


	6. 3 - Third Part - Too close - Chris

Third part: too close?

**Song : Wildes - Ghost**

**Chris: **

_I can't describe how I felt this morning when I shared my breakfast with Street and Luca. All I could say was I was peaceful. Of course, I didn't forget what happen last night with Ty and Kyra. The way they had spoken to me, the words they had said to me… I could never forget them._

_But this morning, I was far from these hard feelings ,these harsh moments, these ugly words. I was just surrounded by friends… And I hurt one of them so badly for people who weren't worth it. Yesterday, he was the only one I could think about, the only one who was there to help, the only one I…_

_I didn't know how my life was gonna be in the next days, weeks, months… All I knew was I had work to do and I had to focus on only my work. From now on, my only preoccupations were my work, my training and protecting my work family. _

_I hurried u . Street was already waiting for me outside (was it really waiting for me or was I imagining it ? ). I put my jacket, closed the door and jumped on his bike just behind him. I didn't ever think about it, I just did it. The second after I jumped, I freaked out and asked myself what the hell I did something like that !_

_It was a fact : having Street so close to me was really nice. I should not feel that way. But I did and I felt guilty. I promised myself I would never ever date a cop ! No way I broke that promise ! Thompson made me suffer, he almost broke my career and my reputation. Now, I'm a member of one of the best SWAT team. I cannot ruin all the efforts I have made. I'm sure these feelings I have for Street will be gone before the end of the week! _

"_Work/practice and anything else". I must have repeated these words at least a thousand times today. I patrolled with Hondo, arrested some bad guys and talked with some lost kids. I was so good at compartmentalizing! _

_The day spent quickly. It was crazy like minutes were flying by when your mind was busy and focused on a main purpose ! I love my job and I love training. I love being alone sometimes and remaining away from all the hustle and bustle of the precinct. I love those moments when I am alone. It allows me not to think about my personal life which is pretty mess up by now : Ty and Kyra threw me out of our apartment because they thought I was too much into my job, I kissed my best friend while I was drunk and I made him feel bad at it… But it was as my fault as it was his. When I think about this kiss, it was mutual… I didn't run when he came to me…I even answered to it deeply… I don't know how to be her friend anymore… I told him words I didn't even think. I was just so angry at me, at what I did to Ty and Kyra, at what this kiss really meant to me._

_I decided to go and see Jim in the locker room. It was late and I didn't know how to ask him to go home with him. I had nowhere to go and he was clearly the only person I wanted to be with at the moment. I entered the locker room as he was packing. I didn't know what to say, what to do. I didn't even know where to begin. Jim was here and he was as uneasy as I. _

"_I was wondering if you were going home soon? As our shift is over…" It was the only thing I could say. He answered he was just packing and leaving in 10 minutes. I was not courageous enough to ask him if I could come with him. Fortunately for me, he was. And I realized it was the first time since months I looked at him in the eyes. I ran away so often, kept him away from me and remained cold when he was close to me. I smiled at him and he understood I will stay at his house at least for the night. _

_I had to admit I felt good when he was near me. When I sat beside him on his bike, I felt secure and fine. I was not afraid of anything… Except of my feelings… I didn't know how to deal with them. I never felt something like that before. Of course, I was really attached to Ty and Kyra, I had such a great time with Thompson. But with Street, it was not the same kind of feelings…_

_Weeks spent and I was still leaving at Street's. I didn't even realize I spent so much time with him. I felt so fine ! Each night, after we get home, we spent hours to plays videogames, cards or talking about movies. The other day, we played videogames and we fell asleep on the coach ! We woke up at the early day when Luca walked home after he spent the night at Kelly's mom. I don't know why but when I think about this moment, I am still laughing! Luca's face was hilarious! _

_Tonight, it was another story… We were playing cards and Street was accusing me of cheating (which is completely wrong !) when Molly entered the room. I was so surprised to see her there! Of course, I knew she was dating Street but I had not seen her in a while. And to be fair, it didn't bother me (I know it's wrong…)._

_Suddenly, everything became awkward. Street told her he didn't forget about their dinner but I could say looking at him he completely forgot about this date. I didn't think Molly believed him either. He ran to his bedroom to change. And I stayed alone with Molly. What was I supposed to tell her? How should I act with my best friend's girlfriend? Especially since we didn't really meet. So many questions were in my head by now. And I didn't have any answer. So I decided to do what I was doing the best : being silent and cold…_

_The minutes were so long. It felt like I spent several hours with her instead of a few minutes. I was so relieved when Street came back in the living room dressed as a gentleman. He glanced at me before leaving, feeling as troubled as I. The evening was not as cool as we planned… And my inner voice told me nothing good was gonna get out of this date…_

_I got up from the coach after they left. It was only 8 pm but it felt like it was already midnight for me. I took a shower hoping it could wake me up and prepared me something to eat. Once I sat on the sofa, I pressed play and started to watch a movie… I never finished it because I fell asleep pretty quickly. In my dreams, I hoped everything was OK for Street because he was a pretty good guy and he deserved the best. _


	7. 4 - Fourth part - Ultimatum - Jim

Fourth part: Ultimatum

Jim

Song Stealth – Judgement Day

How could I have forgot one of my date with Molly ? She is my girlfriend and I forgot about her. I absolutely had to focus on my relationship by now or I could lose her. And I didn't want to lose Molly. She was so kind to me. She made me a better man. She learnt me how to be in a relationship. I was never good at it. I never really had a relationship before. I was used to flirting, not engaging.

Chris made it very clear that she was not into me. I had to move on and start a new life where she could only be my (best) friend, nothing more. But tonight, when I left her at home, I felt guilty. I felt guilty to leave Chris here, alone. I had to make the feeling go away. For me, for Chris, for Molly. Nothing good could come out of this anyway.

We finally arrived to the restaurant. It was so fancy. I was not used to this kind of place! But Molly liked them so much and I promised her to go to this super classy restaurant. So tonight I was gonna be the best boyfriend she could ever have!

We talked a lot of the weather, our jobs and the last film we went to see at the movie last week. There was a couple of silence too. I didn't know what to say, what to do. After all, she saw me with Chris and I knew deep down that she was so angry at me for this. I couldn't reproach her for being angry at me. I had been closer to Chris than her since several weeks. But I didn't mean to. I am literally lost ... My personal life was so complicated… I almost regretted six months ago when I had no girlfriend and no awkward best friend.

Molly kept talking about her last cases. I nodded and looked interested in what she said but my mind was out there…

"Are you listening to me?" I didn't even hear this sentence and it was at this exact moment that this nice moment turned into a nightmare. "You're thinking about her, aren't you?"

I remained silent. I didn't know if I had to tell something. If I ever told something, she could take it badly and thought something happened between Chris and me. But remaining silent was not a good idea either.

"You do not even say me a word… I understand… Maybe you'd rather be with her than with me tonight. After all, you are already almost spending all your nights with her for weeks…"

I wanted to refute, to tell her she was wrong but truth was I DID have spent almost all my evenings with Chris since she arrived home. And I enjoyed it so much that I forgot to phone or text her. I had to fix things with Molly. She was sad and I was the cause. She really didn't deserve this.

"I am sorry, Molly. I messed up for weeks and I would like you to forgive me for my behavior. I know I have been distant since Chris is living at home…" And that was when I realized I messed up even more than it was already the case.

"Excuse me!? She is living with you?"

I might have forgotten to talk to her about that little detail. Now, I was right in front of my mistake and I needed to fix it as soon as I could.

""Chris arrived one night at my house with her suitcase. She was alone and totally wet. Her boyfriend and girlfriend threw her away because of her job and she needed a friend… I offered her to stay at home as long as she needed. Because it is what friends do."

It was her turn to remain quiet. And I felt so uncomfortable. I didn't know what to say to make her feel like I was so into her. To make her understand Chris was only a friend, my best friend but absolutely not my girlfriend. I felt I needed to comfort her, to make her feel she was important to me.

"Chris is my best friend and I know sometimes, our complicity can be disturbing… We are very close and it is not gonna change. Because she understands me better than anyone and she knows how hard my job can be. But she's never gonna replace you and the moments we share. I really care about you, Molly."

For a moment, she looked at the window. No word came out of her mouth. Then, she looked at me.

"I don't like she's living you… I don't like… She is too close to you and you are too close to her. I know you are friend and I understand she understands you better than anyone because you share the same job. But you have to understand that sometimes I have the impression you are closer to her than me. And I feel sad because I really like you and I would like you'll be like me as you are with her…"

I didn't know what to answer. I knew I was way too knowing with Chris. But I couldn't fight it. Everything was so easy with her. I could share any of my thoughts with her and I knew she never judged me. I needed to try to be less close from Chris. For Molly. To save our relationship.

"I'll try… I really want us to work. You're special to me, Molly and I want us to be a thing."

She smiled at me.

"You are really a nice guy, Jim Street. And I also want us to work."

She remained silent for a long time. I knew she wanted to say something else but she didn't dare. I had to know what she had to say but I feared the worst… And I was right.

"But… I know there's something you're not telling me, Molly…"

"In fact, there is … But I don't know if we can talk by now…"

I nodded. She needed to tell me what was bothering her.

"Actually… I'm not comfortable with the fact she is living with you. I believe you when you say she is just a friend but I cannot completely be sure… Anyway, I am asking you just one thing: tell Chris to move out of your house and find another way to live. I know it is not fair for her... But I will feel better if you no longer spend so much time together. I am not saying I'm jealous… I'm just uncomfortable knowing my boyfriend living with another girl who's not me."

I felt like I was punched right in the chest. Asking Chris to move out… She was just recovering from her heartbreak. I didn't know if I could do such a thing. But if I wanted to be with Molly, I had to do so. Oh damn ! My personal life turned into a messy zone in such a short time. How was I supposed to tell my friend to move quickly? At that moment, I did what seemed the easiest thing to do in order not to lose my girlfriend…

"OK Molly, I'll ask Chris to find a new place quickly. Can you just give me a couple of days to tell her and help her to look for an apartment?"

She grinned at me. I never saw her like that. She was just happy. And I was too. Even if I really cared about Chris, I had to be 100% committed to Molly and our relationship.

The rest of the evening went well. We talked, we flirted, we kissed. I finally came home at midnight. Chris was sleeping on the coach. The TV was still on. I turned it off, covered Chris and sat next to her. I watched her sleep. She was so peaceful and I was so troubled. I was glad she lived here. And I had to kick her off the house. For Molly's peace of mind. And I didn't know how to do this. So at that moment, I made the only thing that could make me feel better: I took her hand in mine and squeezed it. She squeezed my hand back. I felt so much better at that moment I fell asleep right next to her and forgot all my problems.


	8. 4 - Fourth part - Ultimatum - Chris

Fourth part: Ultimatum

_Chris _

_Song : Cold War Kids –Restless_

_I should not feel like this but I couldn't fight it. I felt so guilty. Because of me, Street almost lost his girlfriend… I should watch a movie and forgot about all of this. Come on, Chris! But I couldn't. I never felt like that before. And I needed this to stop!_

_I felt asleep before I could even remember. I had nightmares, I woke up and I was still alone in Street's apartment. I saw Street and Molly breaking up and I was the cause of it. And she was chasing me and even if I was the last to say no to a fight, I ran away from her because I was scared. Silly mind!_

_I finally fell deeply asleep. And I would never say thank you enough to whiskey for that! I knew Street loved this alcohol as much as I… After all, it was because of it everything became awkward that night… And I should never have remembered that instant. I could have new nightmares and the last ones were enough for me!_

_The rest of the night was easier. I could hear the TV on but I didn't care. To tell the truth, it was like a lullaby in the far away which helped me to fall asleep and not think about my so disastrous personal life. At this precise moment, I could feel in a better place. I thought about Uncle Sarzo, my aunt, my cousin Thomas, my other cousins, the parties we held in the park… I felt peaceful and calm. _

_Later that night, I felt a presence next to me. But I didn't have the force to wake up. I was so tired. All I knew was that I didn't need to be scared. I felt warmth. I was so cold by now. I forgot to take a blanket before falling asleep in the coach and now, I was so exhausted I couldn't even get on my feet and take one. It felt so good to feel this warmth. And the second later, I felt someone covered me. It was so good and that was when I felt someone sat next to me. _

_I remained still, always so sleepy and peaceful. And he took my hand and he squeezed it. Whatever I wanted it or not, I squeezed it too. I knew it was Street and to be fair, I was glad he was back from his date…_

_What happened before that, I didn't even remember. All I knew was I woke up in the morning. The sun was filling the room. I was still in the sofa and Street was still sitting next to me. His hand was still holding mine… So it was not a dream… He really came back home and remained near me alright. I didn't know how to decipher what had just happened. I knew he was in love with Molly. She was a really great girl. But I couldn't deny that he sent me some subconscious messages about our very weird relationship. And honestly, I didn't know what to do. I made it clear nothing never happened between the two of us? But right now, I was not sure about what I said earlier. _

_I took my hand back and woke up. In the kitchen, I started to prepare breakfast. I needed to keep my mind busy. I made bacon and eggs, coffee, toasted bread…_

_And then he appeared behind my back. He smiled at me and sat at the table. We ate silently. I supposed neither he nor I would know what to say after what happened last night. Silence was better in that case. We left the house and wet to wok. Not a word. Just silence. And it felt just good. But I could feel Street wanted to break the glass and talked with me. Face looked concerned but he didn't say a word. _

_Hondo hurried us to go to the meeting room. This night, a massive theft took place in a bank and more than 1 000 000 000 USD were stolen. The mayor was already calling Hicks every single second to know if he had something new. The attorney was in the meeting room. Something told me it was gonna be a long day. And it was the case, even if it ended not as expected…_

_We all got into Black Betty to examine the place where the robbery was committed. Scientific task force was already there collecting every piece of evidence. The thieves had been very careful and meticulous. At that moment, all the radios lit on and the dispatch announced another robbery was taking place in some bank in Venice. We all jumped into Black Betty and Luca drove us to the place. _

"_Fucking traffic jam" Luca shouted. "We never be there on time and we're gonna miss these bastards !" And he was not wrong. When we arrive, the bank was empty, the employees were safe but completely groggy. We enter the bank and found out that the safe was totally empty. We were too late… My look caught Street's… Once again he smiled at me and went back to Black Betty to examine all the options left to catch those criminals. _

_I decided to focus on the case. The situation between Street and I was really too awkward. These guys were really smart, they managed to rob two of the biggest banks in Los Angeles during the day and to escape leaving no clue behind them. Who knows how many banks they were gonna rob in the few days. We need to catch them! _

_Luca kept yelling while he was driving us to HQ. Tan and Street laughed silently while Hondo and Deac were trying to calm him down. Oh God, how I love being with these dudes ! Even if today was a harsh day, I knew I could count on them every day of my life. _

_The time we came back to HQ a new bank had been robbed. "Son of a b****" Luca shouted. He almost scared me. Street laughed when I jumped out of fright. _

"_Not fair, Street"._

"_DIdn't even say a word"_

"_Don't need to."_

_We didn't have the time to continue our talking. Hondo asked to join him and Hicks in the control room. Before he could reach the central table, Hicks caught Street and started to talk with him. I was too far away and didn't hear a word. I was kind of worried but tried to stay focus on the case. Three banks robbed in less than 12 hours. That was huge. Each time, they tied the employees, went to the safe and knew exactly where to look for the money and the valuable objects. They had to have an accomplice in the banks …But it made a lot of accomplices…It had to be something else… But We couldn't find anything. Hondo ordered us to come home and sleep. _

_The day had been tough. I just needed to lie down and sleep. But I knew Street had to tell me something since this morning. In the locker room, he finally asked me if we could talk tonight when we arrived at home. The day was not over yet. Sleep had to wait. _

_It was time to talk now we were at home. We sat on the coach where last night, we slept hand in hand… But I knew tonight wasn't as nice as yesterday. He was about to tell me something we both disliked. I could see it in his eyes. He had this hangdog look, the same he gave me when I told him we couldn't be friends anymore because I was 100% committed to Ty and Kyra. _

"_Listen…Chris, I have something to tell you…I don't know how to start…"_

_He was embarrassed. He was playing with his fingers. I put my hands over them. _

"_Just tell me… I can hear anything"_

_Then, he started to explain to me how his date with Molly got. How he was in love with her because she was a nice girl, how he wanted to please her. He told me I was his best friend, the only one who truly understands him. But he has to be a grown-up man and for that, he has to learn how to make concessions. _

_I knew he was trying to justify what was going next. And to be fair, I DID know what was coming next. But I'd rather let him tell me what was inside his mind. _

"_Molly is not a fan of you and me living together under the same roof… She understands you are my best friend but she… She would like you to move out from here. I told her she could trust you tally but…"_

_I stopped him putting my hand on his arm. "I understand. From her point of view, it must be weird. I will find a place as soon as I can. Don't worry about Street… Not your problem…"_

_I smiled at him and got on my feet. "Everything will be alright! You always be my best friend, Street!"_

_And I told I needed a long shower to feel better after the day we got at work. _

_I hurried to the bathroom and locked the door. It was too much for me. I turned the faucet on and enter the shower… And then I started to cry. Because deep down, I didn't want to leave Jim Street's house. _


	9. 5 - Fifth part - Moving on - Jim

Fifth part: moving on

Jim

Song : Tom Walker – Not giving up

Since the moment, I told her she has to go Chris was not the same. Even if she said she was OK and happy to move on with her life, I didn't believe her. But Chris is Chris and when she had an idea in mind, nothing could change it. And she had now decided to be "Strong Chris", the one who said "everything will be alright". But deep down inside her, she was hurt… And that was my fault. I didn't know what to do about it…

I did it for a good thing: I had to save my relationship with Molly. We were moving slowly for months now. But I knew she was the kind of girl I wanted to be with. After all I went through with my mother; I really needed a peaceful love relationship to ease my heart and soul.

What I did not want was to hurt my best friend… And about that, I completely screwed up. And I needed to repair it even though I didn't know how. It was like I had to rack my brain to find a solution.

At work, Chris was like a machine. This robbery case was like a Christmas gift for her. She had spent hours and hours to study the different moves of the criminals. So did I and the whole team. We were worked up. We were tired physically and mentally. But despite all that, Chris found the force to find a new apartment.

She announced me she was moving only five days after I had asked her to. I didn't expect it came so fast. But it was her style: once she was on her roll, nothing could stop her. I tried to tell her she had no reason to rush, it could wait. But she told me the sooner, the better. She didn't want to be an obstacle for me and Molly. I couldn't blame her but still it hurt.

We shared our last breakfast together. Once again, neither of us talked, we were just seated right to each other eating muesli, eggs and bacon. I was gonna miss these moments… But Chris was not going anywhere, I will see her at work and when Molly will be calmer because she moved out of my house, I could see my best friend outside of SWAT headquarters for sure!

Speaking of work: time at SWAT by now was hard. The robbers who were after had already broken 7 banks and we still had no lead. Hondo and Hicks were at odds with the mayor and the attorney who were asking for results. We spent hours in the briefing room looking for a small clue. That was then Deac told something which totally made sense : "What if we're looking at the wrong place and what we are looking for is just in front of us…"

He was right ! Since the beginning, we were looking for clues on the place of the robberies! But what if we had to look for something about the robberies themselves? Something which linked all the robberies together, a kind of common theme…

And then Tan had the most brilliant idea we had got for days… "All these robberies were perpetrated during the day, not one during the night even if it would be easier to break into the bank and steal all the money. These guys want to be seen as if they have something to prove."

Hondo, Chris and Deac looked into the archives of the cold cases, Luca, Tan and I talked to the cops who arrived at the places of robberies first. Hours later, we all came to the same conclusion : a cop had to be involved.

We dived into old files and looked for someone who could be the mastermind of all that, a person with enough connections to know the mechanism of the bank safes, the habits of the LA police and the hours of the shifts of the security agents.

Chris's mind was blowing up. I could see that. Her cheeks were all slightly pinky, she was frowning and she bit her lower lip. She always did that when she was focused on something. She never gave up until she reached her aim. And she absolutely wanted to catch those criminals. I should have not looked at her like that… Tan noticed I was troubled.

"Everything's ok, bro?"

"Yeah, just confused about the case. These guys are really pain in the ass!"

"Hell yeah! Was hoping to spend a cool weekend with Bonnie but not sure it's gonna be possible. Hondo just told me he needed the whole team to work on the case."

I nodded. I was thinking too to spend a cool weekend with my girlfriend… Instead I was gonna spend two entire days with the team, with Chris and I was happy about it. I I should have not feel like this but I did and I felt so guilty since…


	10. 5 - Fifth part - Moving on - Chris

Fifth part: moving on

_Chris_

_Song : Sam Martin – It's gonna be better_

_I didn't plan to find an apartment so quickly. But I had to move on. I could not be in the state of mind I was last night. Living with Street made me feel a way I didn't want to feel. I needed to take control of my life again! Especially because I could not feel that way about Street. I made it clear earlier that we could never be in a relationship and because he was with Molly. I just needed to live alone in my cocoon and focused on things that mattered!_

_I read this ad in the newspaper the first morning after Street had asked me to move out. I called the number before he got up and got an appointment for the next evening. I asked Hondo to leave early because I had an impediment. He agreed. I left work at 6 claiming I had to go to see my uncle Sarzo and went to visit the apartment. It was a cosy little apartment at the last floor of a tiny building. Perfect for starting a new life with good basis. And most important of all: it was far away from North Hollywood, far away from Street's house!_

_I signed the lease two days later and told Street I was leaving his house only five days after he asked me too. Time for me to move forwards and to find new ways to distract me. And it started with me finding those bastards who stole banks in LA!_

_I dived into my work and only focused on our current case. All I wanted was to erase Jim Street from my mind and it worked so well! I looked into the archives with Deac and Hondo. It was like hypnotizing to read all these old files. After hours, we came out with some names and some unsolved cases. Luca, Tan and Street joined us in the debrief room and we started to look into what we brought back from the archives. _

_I sat in a corner, as far away as Street as I could and I read. I read a lot, looking for the small details which could help us to solve our case. My mind was blowing up but I didn't care because at that moment, I felt great. _

_That's when it struck me : three of the security guards who were there at the moment of the robberies had the same family name.. It couldn't be a coincidence. Especially a name like Szcenik. Not a common name in Los Angeles. I had to dug this lead before telling to the guys. I went to Jessica's office since it was empty (I really missed her since she had gone to New York to work as a FBI field agent). _

_After a few calls, I had connected the three guys together: they were cousins, coming from Poland to LA in 1989. They had been convicted for theft and violence in their native country when they were teenagers and had come to US in order to start a new life. Since then, they had lived a peaceful life: they were all married and had had children. What could have pushed them to be involved in robberies again? Especially now when their personal lives were so well. _

_I called to their bosses and all told me that neither of them had come to work since there days… That is to say the day of the last robbery! _

"_I did it ! I found a lead !" I was so happy of what I had just done that I couldn't stop myself to dance in the office. _

_I went to the debrief room to inform the team of what I had just found. _

"_Congrats Chris !" Hondo was relieved we finally had a lead on our case. _

_Tan and Luca came to hug me. Tan high-fived me and then, Street arrived in front of me. He was as embarrassed as I was. Neither of us knew what to do. What it had to be so complicated ? All was easy before that kiss and then, I came to his house, we drank too much whisky and we kissed. And since, all was topsy-turvy._

_I didn't know who made the first step but all I know was that he was hugging me in the middle of the debrief room. It only lasted a few seconds but at that moment, I felt just fine. And then it was doen. Street smiled at me and then left the room. Hondo had just announced seconds before that because we had a solid lead on our case, everybody could go home tonight. _

_I heard in the locker room Tan and Luca teased Street. He was going out tonight with Molly. I was glad for him. He deserved to be happy. He was a really good guy. And Molly really seemed to be a good girl. _

_I took my stuff, waved at the guys and drove home. My new apartment was full of boxes. Uncle Sarzo and Thomas just dropped my things this afternoon. But I was not in a mind to tidy. I went to the kitchen, opened the fridge and took a beer. I sat on the coach and thought about my day: I was so proud to have found a lead nobody had ever noticed! I ate my pizza and decided to watch a movie. _

_I was so tired I lit the TV offand went to bed. Before I fall asleep, I wondered if Street's night out with Molly was going well. _

"_Stop thinking about him! You promise never date a cop, any cop, anytime, anywhere. You're going to break that promise any time soon!"_

_And before I could think of anything else, I was deeply asleep._


	11. 6 -Sixth part - Fresh start - Jim

Sixth part : Fresh start

Jim

Song : Dean Lewis - Be Alright

I spent the night with Molly after Hondo gave us the orders to get home and get some sleep. I really needed to get some fresh air and forget about how I had felt about Chris today. She was only a friend and it will remain that way. That was all. And most of all, I was in love with Molly Hicks, her smile, her laugh and her stories about justice, creepy lawyers and weird criminals.

Yesterday was a really good night. We stayed at her apartment and talked about ordinary things like the weather, movies and exhibitions she would like to visit in the next months. I even slept there. I didn't want to be alone at home. Luca almost lived with Kelly's mom now and Chris was not there anymore. I got used to having someone to talk to and spend the night with since she was there. By now, I was often alone and it made me think too much. At least, when I was with Molly, I only focused on her and I felt way better!

This morning, I was so much better, ready to confront these bad guys and arrest them! They already robbed 8 banks. It was enough. The team was under high pressure. We worked long hours, slept very few.

I was exhausted. My mood was altered and Molly could feel it. She often told me I had to be less implicated in my job, that I reminded her of her father and how he was never at home when she was a kid. I knew she was not blaming me but I could only hear that as a reproach. She could not understand my job even if his dad was in the force. You needed to work inside to understand how it worked and how it could haunt you by moments. When you worked for SWAT, you had to be committed to your job 100%.

I didn't blame her for that. It was one of the good thing to date someone outside of the force. Even though she didn't get it, she was like a way out of my job. She brought me what SWAT could not. She was my breath of fresh air. And God knew how much I needed that by now! So when she decided to moan about my job, I let do it because it was the least I could do. She brought me so much since the last months we were together.

When I arrived at work, everyone was already there. Tan teased me because I was the last to join the briefing room. Hondo were already explaining that Rokker team had found a lead this night about the Szcenik cousins. The three of them had resigned the day after the robbery. They had given the same excuses to quit their job quickly: they had been traumatized by the robbery and wanted to take some times away from the city with their close ones.

"Very clever way of disappearing" Luca commented.

"Especially when you have close friends who work as security guards in the bank you'll plan to rob… Rokker and his team had dug into the files of the other security guards who were present at each robbery and guess what? Five of them are very close to the cousins… Which makes us 8 men for 8 robberies.. You all guess what I mean."

"All is connected, boss. What are we doing now?" Chris' voice came out of nowhere.

"We pick and lock them!" Hondo concluded.

I liked when we were in this state of mind. We all high-fived and went to prepare. Luca ran to Black Betty and we joined him a few minutes later.

The plan was to get to the warehouse of the Szcenik's cousins and to pick them. Hicks had called the attorney and he gave SWAT the right to arrest the cousins based on the charge which were found against them. The CSI team had found clues that led to the cousins and their prints were in all the safes that had been emptied during the robberies.

As we were on the way to the warehouse, my look caught Chris'. She was focused on her mission but she still smiled at me. Her smile had always the same effect on me: it calmed me down. I smiled back at her and she eventually looked down as a way to flee from this mutual moment of complicity and collusion.

Before I ever had the time to analyze what had just happened, we arrived to the warehouse. Hondo gave us the orders to follow to surround the building and catch the cousins. I was with Tan and Deacon. We covered the back of the building. Hondo and Chris took care of the front door while Luca remained in Black Betty to enter the building as soon as we will give him the green light.

Tan, Deac and I confirmed that the back door was safe. Deac, who had the infrared camera, confirmed 8 people were in the warehouse. Hondo and Chris were heading towards the front door when Tan, Deac and I noticed something weird: the 8 people we were sure we saw previously vanished from our radar. Deac immediately warned Hondo that something was not right.

"30 David to 20 David, do you copy? Be careful. The 8 people who previously identified just vanished from our radar screen. I repeat the 8 people have vanished from the warehouse."

Before Hondo could answer, we heard a big noise coming from the front door of the warehouse.

"30 David to 20 David, do you copy? 24 David, do you copy?"

Deac, Tan and I started to get anxious. Neither Hondo, neither Chris was responding to our calls. We turned around the warehouse. Luca was already next to Hondo. The front door and a part of the wall just blew up and Hondo and Chris were near the explosion. Hondo was lying on the ground unconscious. Lucas was calling 911 to get some help. Deac, Tan and I ran towards them. And then I froze.

"Where is Chris?" They all looked at me and then looked around. No trace of her anywhere. I was starting to have a panic attack. She couldn't have disappear . She had to be there somewhere. I had to find her. I had to take her to the hospital and I had to know she was alright.

I ran as fast as I could. My mind was on automatic mode. All I could think was to find her. I had to find her. I had to know she was alive, I had to tell her so many things. Our story could not end with only a smile. I had to tell her… I had to tell her… That I might be in love with her…


	12. 6 - Sixth part - fresh start - Chris

Sixth part : Fresh start

_Chris _

_Song : John Newman – Out of my Head_

_All I could remember of this day was how I was excited to have finally found a lead in our to me, all my team could go home and see their family while I stayd at home alone with Netflix and pop corn. I didn't complain: I had a very cool life, I worked at SWAT and I liked it so much, I had a very cool and cosy apartment and my pop corn was literally delicious. _

_Family was a vague notion. Of course, I had my true family I loved so much. My uncle, my aunt, my cousins were everything to me. I also had my SWAT family I would throw under a bus tonight I had no one to talk to… Not that I was sad about it. It was just weird especially after the weeks I spent with Street. I just had to adapt again to the solo life. Just a question of time. I really liked to be on my own. I could do what I liked when I liked. Life was great! _

_This morning, I got up early and went to run before work. I arrived SWAT headquarters first. On my way to the briefing room, I saw Rokker. He and his team had worked all night to find clues about the Szcenik cousin. They seemed exhausted. Rokker told me they found something, Hondo was about to tell us everything in a few minutes during the briefing. _

_I joined Hondo and waited for the others to arrive. Deac was first, then Tan, Luca and finally Street. I stayed in a corner of the room for him not to notice me. He seemed so focused on what Hondo said, I didn't want to bother him. _

_After Hondo explained the cousins had connections in every bank that had been robbed, I decided to say something. That's at that moment, he smiled at me. The guys were excited to go and get the cousins. The plan was simple. We had to go the warehouse they had in Fairfax, locked and picked them. An easy plan for us ! We all high-fived to increase our adrenaline. _

_I went back to the locker room to get my stuff and went to Black Betty then. As Luca drove us to the warehouse, my look caught Street's. I smiled at him. I couldn't stop smiling. I couldn't explain why. It was Hondo's voice which made reconnect with reality. We had just arrived at the warehouse. Deac, Tan and Street had to cover the back door while Hondo and I were covering front door. Luca had to wait in Black Betty to cover us all after we cleared the doors. _

_I saw Deac, Tan and Street run to the back of the building. Hondo gave a tap on my shoulder. We had to go to the front door to clear the way for Luca. Luca nodded at us, already focused on his mission. Hondo and I ran to the front door paying attention to the surroundings. No way we could be seen by the Szcenik cousins and their accomplices, we were too fast. _

_Deac confirmed there were 8 people inside by intercom. Hondo smiled at me :_

"_Time to pick some bad guys, Chris"_

"_OK boss, let's do this!"_

_We came close to the front door and checked by the windows they were all in the warehouse. Deac was right the eight men were there speaking in the middle of the warehouse. Hondo and I withdrew from the window and coordinated our actions. He went left and I stayed right. We just had to wait a few more minutes. Then Hondo gave the go-ahead to come in. _

_This was when everything went upside down. I was projected a few meters away from the warehose. I didn't understand what was happening. All I could hear was this big noise. All I could see was all the bits and pieces which were surrounded me. I was in the dark, I couldn't see anything but the parts of the walls and the metal bars floating around me. Hondo was out of sight. _

_After a few seconds, I landed on the ground. It hurt a lot, I was suffering like hell and I was not this kind of person. A piece of concrete was on my left arm and I couldn't move. I tried my best to get on my feet but I was so groggy. And I needed to sleep, I was so tired. _

_But I knew I had not to sleep. I had to fight and found a way to get out of here and I could not do it if I slept. I tried to push away the concrete piece. It was so heavy and my arm was more and more painful. I looked for Hondo but didn't see anywhere. I was scared. What if anyone found me and I just remained here and died. I wanted to see my family again, I wanted to see my friends again… I wanted to see Jim again. Despite all my efforts to push him far away from my mind, he always stayed in there. _

_I didn't know what I was about to do if… No when (!) I would be out of here. Should I tell him? I didn't think so. After all, I missed my chance months ago when I fled after that kiss. And now he was happy with Molly. I didn't want to break all he built with her. It was not fair to Molly, to him. I felt bad about how I treated him. And even if I could never be with him, I had to be a better friend and to make me forgive for what I had done to him. _

_Despite all my efforts, the damned concrete piece was still on my arm. But by now, I didn't feel it anyway. Was I going to lose my arm? If I ever lost it, I could never be a SWAT officer again. No, no, no. I had to get out of here. It had to be a solution. _

_That was when I heard a loud noise (once again!). But this time it felt like hope. People were looking for me and yelling at me. I answered them and yelled as hard as I could. It was my chance to get out of here. _

"_I'm here, I'm here. Please come, I'm stuck, I can't move."_

_Then the silence surrounded me…Until I saw the bits and pieces of metal bars and concrete moved around me. I heard their voices, the voices of my teammates, of my friends. They were here. They were looking for me. _

"_Hey guys, I'm here but I'm stuck !"_

_I heard Luca shouted : "We are all here Chris, we're gonna get you out of here. Don't worry!"_

_A few minutes later, I could finally feel the light of the sun on my face. It felt so good. And that was when I saw his face. He was there with the others. He was helping to get me free and he came close to me. _

"_Don't worry, Chris, we've got this. Just relax, in a few minutes, it will be only a bad dream!"_

"_What happened? Where is Hondo?"_

"_Hondo is fine, he's with paramedics right now. Just a couple of bruises and scratches. We were caught into an explosion. The front door was booby-trapped. The Szcenik cousins and their accomplices escaped."_

_I looked down. How could I have missed this? How could I have let these bastards escaped? Street grabbed my hand and squeezed it. _

"_It was not your fault, Chris. Any of us saw anything. We're gonna catch them. I won't let them not punished after what they did to us…To you". _

_Our looks were locked up. Our fingers were intertwined. The time stopped for seconds. And then paramedics took me to the ambulance._


	13. 7 - Seventh part - Recovery - Jim

Seventh part : Recovery

Jim - Katie Garfield – Who will save you?

It took 3 hours to the doctors to heal Chris… Three hours during which we had no news at all. I stayed with her in the ambulance. I hold her hand in mine and promised her everything would be alright. I had to let her go at the entrance of the emergency room after the doctors had kicked me out. Since I was waiting in the waiting room and I was going crazy.

Hondo, Tan, Luca and Deac were waiting with me but I couldn't stop thinking about Chris. She was in one of the rooms on the other side of the wall. She was hurt and we had no news from her. I was worried, I was anxious, I was nervous.

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine, She will be fine".

It was Tan. He just sat next to me and squeezed my shoulders.

"We all really care about her. She'll soon be there with us and we'll laugh about this!"

I tried to smile at him but it was painful. He was right I had to be optimistic and think about the future. A future when my best friend would be healthy and we would laugh about tiny things.

Tan stayed with me. He didn't say a word. He was just there to help me to wait. The doctor finally showed up. He told them she was OK, she was resting. Her left arm and three of her ribs were broken. She had a lot of bruises and a little commotion. But she was gonna make it. She just needed time and a lot of sleep.

I was relieved… as the rest of the team. "You really like her, don't you?"

Tan surprised me with his question I didn't see coming. I had to answer or it could be suspicious.

"Yes of course. She's my teammate and my best friend."

He didn't seem to be convinced. "You REALLY like her. Does she know how you feel about her?"

"What are you talking about? Of course she knows she is my best friend and I care about her."

"That's not what I meant, Street."

Tan left me alone and went to talk with Luca. How could he know? I was so stunned by what Tan had just told me. Was it so obvious I had a thing on Chris? I thought it was finished but when I couldn't find her after the explosion, I was in a panic. I didn't think clearly. I just had to find her, to know she was alright, she was alive. Nothing else mattered. So I ran and found her anywhere. The moment I saw her face under all these pieces of concrete and metal bars I had felt like the luckiest man in the world.

I should not have felt like that. And I likely should not feel that way right now. But it was the case. All I wanted now was to go and see her and just stay with her.

We were finally allowed to see her. She was lying on a bed, her left arm was put in a cast. She was half-awake. But she seemed fine. And it was all that mattered. Deac went first, then Tan and Luca. I didn't know what to do. I was so anxious. I didn't know what to say, what to do. I almost lost her and it still hurt. Hondo asked me if he could go after. I nodded.

He stayed with her a few minutes. We were not allowed to stay more. I looked at them wondering what was going to happen when I entered this room.

"Everything will be alright, just tell her what you have in mind." Tan whispered in my ear before leaving the hospital.

Hondo finally got out of the room and gave me a sign to join him.

"Chris will be out tomorrow but I'm not feeling for her to stay alone at home. Even if she says so, I'm not sure she'll make it. She's in a lot of pain and will need some help. I was wondering if you could stay with her for some time, just to help her."

Before I could even think I agreed. "Thank you Street! It took a thorn out of my side. Of course, you're not coming to work tomorrow. You stay with her, she likes it or not. She can be very stubborn and she wants to stay alone. But she's gone through a lot and I'd rather someone stay with her."

I nodded one more time. Hondo smiled at me and made his way out of the hospital. I was alone, by myself. Chris was in front of me and I didn't know how to reach her. A nurse woke me up from my lethargy. "You should really go to see your girlfriend. She's gone through a lot but she's tough."

I didn't have the force to tell her I was not her boyfriend. I just followed her to the room and say "Hey" when I entered. She smiled at him, I smiled at her. It was soft, it was easy. No word needed. And I remained there for hours. It was the nurse who came to me to tell me it was time to go. I squeezed her hand and told her I would be back tomorrow. I got out of the room and looked at the clock. It was already 9 P.M. I had just missed my date with Molly…


	14. 7 - Seventh part - Recovery - Chris

Seventh part : Recovery

Chris - Unsecret feat Young Summer - Can you hear me

He stayed with me until I got to the hospital. In the ambulance, he kept my hand in his all the time. Sometimes, I was not really conscious of what was happening around me. I was so tired. The paramedics and Street kept telling me I had to stay awake, to talk to them. But I had nothing to say. I was glad he came after me, he found me and got out of this amount of concrete and metal bars.

The most I was awake I looked at him in the eyes and smiled as a way to thank him for not letting me go, for having my six as always. Despite our disagreements, our argues, our misunderstands, he was still there. And just for that I was happy he was in my life.

Doctors and nurses pulled us apart when I arrived to the ER. I was upset he was not with me anymore. But I was so in pain. All my body was aching and I felt so tired. I saw them with needles, drip, bandage,. They said complicated medical words. I was half-awake. Suddenly, I couldn't feel anything. I was great. I felt asleep.

What had happened during this time? I couldn't tell. I dreamt, I dreamt a lot. I lived the scene again : I was next to the front door with Hondo and suddenly, everything blew up. I was projected feet away from the building. I remembered flying over pieces of walls and concrete. I remembered ending up on the floor and feeling the pain on my chest. I remembered the pieces of concrete and metal bars covering me up. And I remembered seeing Street removing the pieces of walls to find me…

I woke up in a room. I was alone and all I could hear was the beeps of the machine checking my heart beat. My eyelids were so heavy, I could barely open my eyes.

"Welcome back, Mam" I turned my head to see who was talking to me. A nurse had just entered the room to check on my vital signs. "Do not worry, you've got through a lot but now, you're fine. You have three broken ribs and your left arm is broken. You also have a concussion. But I a few weeks you'll be better."

She left the room and let me alone. I watched my left arm. It was put in a plaster. I had bruises on all my body and my chest was purple because of the broken ribs. My head was as heavy as an anvil. And I felt like I was turning even though I was lying in a hospital bed.

The doctor came a few minutes later. He told me I was lucky. The pieces of walls and the metal bars didn't get through my body. I didn't need chirurgy. My left arm would be healed in 6 weeks if I rested correctly. I listened to him but my mind was far away. I wondered if my team was here, if Hondo, Deac, Tan, Luca were waiting for me, if Street was with there.

Hours later, my questions were answered. I saw the guys in the middle of the corridor. They were talking. I knew at that moment that they were deciding who had to come to see me first. Of course, it was Deac who took the first turn. He was the father figure of the team. He was the reassuring person I knew. And right now, it was what I needed. He told me I had to take care of myself and listen to the doctors. "No need to rush, Chris, you hear me. Right now, you jst need to stay calm and take care of you. The team will miss you for sure but we can do without you for 6 weeks. Especially to come back in great shape."

I nodded at him. I had to try to be serious if I wanted to be 100% in 6 weeks.

Tan came then. He asked me to be serious and not as strong-headed as I could be. Luca told me to be committed 100% to my health for a change and let them deal with bad guys.

Oh god, I was so lucky to have these guys in my life ! I promised them to be serious this time and to take care of myself. I knew it would be difficult for me but my body needed to rest. I was gonna have 6 long weeks before I could be back on duty but I had to be conscientious! It was gonna be a strong work on myself to get there but I knew I was capable to do so.

When they left the room, Hondo was talking with Street. They were both looking so serious and focused. I wondered what they could be talking about. Was it about me? Was it about the case? Was it about something the doctor said to them? Were they hiding something from me?

I was puzzled. I didn't know what to think. I didn't want them to worry about me. I was strong, I was tough, I was alive. I just needed to heal and I was gonna use all my forces to get there. I should have looked thoughtful because Hondo asked me if I waere OK when he came to the room.

"Can I still come in" Of course, he could! He was my boss, my friend and he just saved my ass from an explosion. I nodded and he came near me. "We scared us, Chris! You'd better be OK soon but not too fast. At first, you need to rest and reload your battery. Then, you train hard and you go back with us. You always have your place in the team, Chris. But this time, you have to take some time for you."

He smiled and told me to take all the time I needed. He really insisted o it. But I felt fine. It was only a matter of few weeks and I could be back to work. Ok, I was tired a lot but it was only because I was hurt this afternoon. In a few days, it would be a nightmare to forget.

Hondo didn't leave the hospital right away. He stayed with Street for long minutes before he made his way out. I could read on their lips but one thing was sure, they were talking about something very serious. I could see it because of Street's dimples. They were not as they used to be. Street remained again a little in the middle of the corridor. I was both anxious He didn't come to see me and glad he was away from me. What a weird feeling!

A nurse told to Street and he eventually came to see me. What a weird moment! He didn't know what to say, so do I. He finally told me "Hey" and my heart was full of warmth. All I could do was smiling at him as a way to tell him thank you for being in my life.

I couldn't tell how long we stayed that way. It could have been a minute, it could have been an hour, it could have been fifty years. I couldn't tell. All I knew was that we were fine as if time had stopped. All of a sudden, a nurse entered the room and asked Street to leave. Time for visits was over and I needed to rest as she said. He came closer and squeezed my hand. It was soft, it was easy. I wanted him to stay but he couldn't.

"I'll be back tomorrow."

And I watched him left the room and walked away in the corridor. I turned the head as soon as I lost sight of him and fell deeply asleep.


	15. 8 - Eighth part- Lies - Jim

Eighth part: lies

Song - Imani Coppola just feels good

On my way home, I didn't know if I had to call Molly. I knew I had to but what could I tell her? That I stayed at the hospital with Chris and I lost tack on time? I didn't think it was a good idea. That we were caught in an explosion at work? She would completely freak out. That we were on a difficult case that required time and involvement? She'd tell me that I reminded her of her father she barely saw when she was a child.

I had to find something. She was likely pissed at me right now and I had to make her forgive me. I had been a real jerk. I didn't mean any harm. I was just so stressed out by what happened to our team. And most of all, I had to tell her I was moving to Chris' place for a few time in order to help her when she would be out of the hospital.

When I arrived home, the lights were all on. Molly had to be inside. I had to be creative and find an excuse to explain my tonight behavior. She was waiting for on the coach. She seemed – as expected – angry at me. I started to stumble on words.

"I'm sorry Molly…. I didn't see it was time to go and meet you… I …. Am sorry, really sorry…I…"

She got up from the sofa. "I don't want to fight, Jim. I'm over that. I just want you to remember your life is not about your job. I know you like it but you can't work so long every day."

She seemed bored. She didn't want to get into a fight. But she needed to talk. I had to tell her what was in my mind.

"I'm sorry, Molly. You know I like you a lot. I completely mess up tonight but there was this explosion…"

"What?"

I told more than I would. "Urggg… There had been an explosion in the building we went to arrest suspects. I'm fine, everyone is fine…Except Chris, she's at the hospital tonight. She was hurt…"

"And you were with her, right?"

I couldn't lie. She knew she was my best friend. I had to be with her in such a moment.

"Yeah… She needed support… She was hurt pretty bad… By the way, we were all there and didn't want to leave till we knew she was OK."

I smiled at her, trying to make her smile too. But she remained serious. She just nodded as if she understood why I stayed with her but she didn't approve I was spending too much time with her. I couldn't deny it so I kept smiling. She eventually smiled at me back. I asked her to stay for the night. She agreed. I spent the rest of the night to make us forget about our argument and make her understand she was she only person who meant a lot for me.

In the morning, I left home early telling her I had to be at work early. Her father was in a conference in New York. He could not tell her Hondo had given me my day to take care of Chris. I didn't like to lie to Molly but I had too. I didn't even know how to tell her about the mission Hondo had assigned me even though I knew one day I would have to tell her everything because it was gonna affect our relationship…

When I got to the hospital, I forgot all this messy stuff and decided to only focus on Chris! She was the one who was hurt, she was the one who needed held, the one who needed support. When I reached the floor where her room was, she was already waiting for me sitting on her bed. The nurses told me she was waiting for me since 6 A.M. even if the visitors could only come from 11 A.M.!

"Hey"

It was the only thing I could say when I enter the room. She smiled at me. I smiled at her.

"Hey"

"Ready to go home?"

She nodded. I took her bag and we left the room. The nurses smiled at us as we left the service. One of them came at me and whispered we were one of the cutest couples she saw during her career. I couldn't know what to answer. So she looked at me in the eyes and made me promise never change the way we were looking at each other.

Chris was behind me. She asked me what the nurse was telling me. I told her she gave me some advice for her to go well. She seemed upset.

"Can we go home? I'm tired. I think I need to rest."

"Are you alright? Are you able to go to the car? You can stay here and I bring the car in front of the door and…"

She cut me off before I could even end my sentence. "Stay cool, Street. I'm tired but I'm not broken. I can still walk" And she burst into laughing. I never saw her like that. So I did the same and laughed with her. It felt so good to be like that. People around us looked at us weirdly but we didn't care. We kept laughing.

I drove the car to her new apartment. It was the first time I came. I had never been there since she settled. It was a nice apartment, a little small but it was cosy. I asked her where I had to leave her bag. She showed me the bedroom at the end of the flat. I dropped it there and went to see her. I didn't know what to do. I felt nervous. She felt uneasy. I could feel it.

We stared stonily for what seemed to be hours... What to say, what to do? She finally broke the silence and asked me if I wanted something to drink. She made coffee and we talked about work and her new apartment. She said she was feeling well here. And she wanted to be back at work soon because she wanted to arrest the men who had almost killed her.

Day after day, talking was easy. It was like the kissing incident had never happened. We were knowing as before. She teased me, I teased her. We shared about everything… Except Molly because I didn't know what to say about her. I didn't tell her I was not working for now, that I was taking care of Chris and help her to go better. I didn't tell her I was sleeping at Chris' for now more than two weeks. She was feeling better when she was not alone at home. Even if she didn't really ask me to do so, I knew she was scared. She was trying to be strong but I heard her every night cry in her bed. I couldn't let alone, she needed to know she was supported.

When I went out with Molly, I always went to hers with my car and drove for the whole night. If I continued this way, maybe I never told her about what Hondo asked me to do. I loved this idea! I had to stick to my plan and everything will be alright.


	16. 8 - Eighth part - Lies - Chris

Eighth part: lies

Song - Billie Eilish – Lovely

I spent the night at the hospital. I hated this kind of place but I was so groggy after the explosion that I supposed it was what was the best for me. I was glad the guys came to see me. Even if I was half asleep, it was good to hear their voices !

Even if I promised my self not feeling that way for a single day in my life, I was very happy Street came and stayed with me for a large part of the evening. The nurse who asked him to go went to see me during the night and told me I had the most adorable boyfriend she ever saw. I didn't contradict her… I could have but I didn't.

This morning, I was feeling fine. A good night sleep with some painkillers helped me to get better. I was up since 6 A.M. I couldn't sleep anymore. I had the feeling something was going on. I couldn't say why but I did feel something for sure. Nurses didn't say a word, they just assured me I had to wait before being discharged because the doctor had to give his consent.

At 11 A.M., he was here. He was not wearing his uniform. He was wearing jeans and his leather jacket. He was talking with the nurses. I could tell they liked him a lot by the way they were smiling at him. He was very charming. I couldn't tell the contrary. By the way, I was happy it was him who came to pick me. Of course, I loved my other teammates but with Street, we had this special connection. That was probably why Hondo asked him to come and pick yesterday. That was why they had talked so long in the corridor.

He came close to my room. Why could I say to him? Everything was so awkward between us since that day when we… Anyway, I had to find something, even something simple… When he showed up at the threshold, I was speechless. Fortunately for me, he was more perceptive.

"Hey"

I smiled at him. It was all I could do and then I answered back : "Hey". And I kept smiling as a silly teenage girl. I hated myself for that but I couldn't help myself. He took my bag and we left the room. I was so relieved not to stay a minute more in this place. I didn't like the hospitals. I never had. I had my reasons.

I remained behind Street. I didn't know how to act with. I had been so mean with him and when I had no one to turn to after Ty and Kyra broke up with me, he was the only one I could think of and the only one who helped me no matter what. How could I make me forgive? How to thank him? I had no answer to these questions.

The nurse stopped Street as he was walking towards the exit. She talked to him for a quick while but I didn't hear a thing. When I arrive next to him, I asked him what she had just told him. He answered she was giving him some advice. I knew he wasn't telling me the truth …

I didn't know what to do so I told him I was tired and then, he totally freaked out! It was so funny to see him going crazy! It was as if I was broken!

. "Stay cool, Street. I'm tired but I'm not broken. I can still walk"

I couldn't help but burst into laughing. It felt so good at the moment. I didn't feel that since a long time. I was so light, life was easy! Especially when Street imitated me and burst into laughing too. For a moment, we couldn't even look at each other without laughing. I really liked this moment even if people around us looked at us weirdly. It was so good to be just friends again.

He drove me to my apartment. It was nice to be back home, to find my likfe back. What if my team had not found me yesterday? What if I had stayed under all the bits and pieces? What if I had… died? I couldn't stop thinking. Street asked me where he could drop my bag. And then he looked at me and I looked at him. Millions of questions ran through my mind. …

We remained silent for quite a while until I asked him if he wanted something to drink. It was a good way to break the silence. And then, we started to talk… Especially me. I was so surprised to talk with him as we used to do. I confessed to him I felt so good in my new apartment and that I was ready to heal as quick as possible to be back at work very soon and cuff these fucking Szcenik cousins.

"No way they got out after what they had done to us !"

Each day, I made progress. My broken ribs were still painful but I could walk quickly. I had no more headaches. Only my broken arm still hurt. I was hoping it would heal fast but I knew deep down it would take much more time than I thought. I worked on myself to be less impatient, to listen more carefully to my body. But it was harsh.

Street stayed with me for two weeks. Hondo gave him some days off for him to help me. I was happy he was there. He was going back to work in a few days and I already felt anxious at the idea of being alone in my apartment. Street slept here every night. I didn't ask him anything. He just did as if he knew I was not great despite all I could do and say. However, I tried to be discreet. I only cried in my bed when he was asleep. I couldn't accept my body was healing slowly. I didn't like to stay at home and wait. When I was like that, I was asking me too many questions about my personal life…

The nights Street want out to be with Molly, I felt so lonely. I thought I got used to having here with me. I knew it was bad … Street was happy with Molly and I was an obstacle for his relationship with Molly… And she was not nice enough not to say something when he stayed with me for the night! I had to recover to let them live as a couple!

Tonight was one of these night. Street was out with Molly. I was alone and my left arm hurt badly. "Come on, Chris! You need to free your mind. You are a grown woman! Being alone doesn't mean you have to be sad". This explosion made me realize I had to live the moment because all could stop at any time. Deep down, I always knew I had a crush on Street… It had stared from day one when he was flirting with this tourist while we were investigating. It had annoyed me. I had thought it was because he was so proud of him. In fact, now I knew it was because I hoped it was me instead of this girl…

I went to bed. I was so tired! The pain in my left arm didn't stop for the whole day even if I had been very careful. I kept my arm away from any exercice. I didn't carry any bag or heavy weight. I stayed calm as the doctors ahd asked me to. So why this arm was still so painful?

I heard Street came home later in the night. He didn't stay with Molly tonight. As long as I remembered he had not stayed with her for the whole night since he was sleeping here. Why did he do that? Did he scare I would not be able to get the daily things by myself? Was I prevent them from spending time together? Was I a bad friend?

He went to check on me in my room. I faked to be asleep. I didn't want to talk tonight. I was asking me too many questions. He came close to me and covered me with the blanket I let to my feet. What I was not expected was that he kissed my forehead before leaving the room. I didn't know what to think about what he just did. All I knew right now was I was gonna make sweet dreams…


	17. 9- Ninth part - Thoughts -Jim

Ninth part : Thoughts

Song : Syml - Where's my love

It had already been a month since I was keeping an eye on Chris each night and Molly didn't know anything about it. I was so proud of myself for not letting her know I was staying at my best friend's side. OK, maybe it was not right but it avoided any conflict and I didn't need any of them by now.

The Szcenik case made me crazy: these guys were untraceable and the stolen money were nowhere to be found. Hondo was worked up, he was pissed off all the time. The mayor was pushing Hicks so hard that Hicks was on Hondo's back all the time. And because of that, Hondo was unpleasant with us. I was not mad at him. It was not his fault. It was because of all the pressure he had to deal with.

The moments I spent with Chris were the only one when I was feeling fine. When we were together, they were no pressure. Just two friends talking about everything and having fun. Oh my God, how I blessed these times. I knew deep down that they couldn't last forever. Chris was recovering fast even if her arm was making her hurt a lot. She didn't say a word. She didn't want me to know she was feeling pretty bad but I could tell she was just by the way her look was less shiny at some moments.

Tonight, she was hurting. She remained silent in the sofa. We were watching a movie. I could see she was making faces and it was not because the film was fun or creepy. It was her arm. I could feel it. I didn't know what to do, what to say.

"You need something?"

"No, it's OK. Thanks."

"Really? Not even a glass of water or…"

She cut me off. "No really I'm fine."

That was the moment I knew I had to tell her what I was feeling. "Chris, I know your arm hurts like a hell. You don't need to hide from me. Not after all we've been through. Not to me. If there's someone you can trust, it's me…"

She kept her eyes down for a while. After a few minutes, she finally looked at me in the eyes. I could feel all the hurting in them but she didn't say a word, she just nodded and smiled at me. I knew it was a way to tell me she was hurting. I knew she did and it was nice she shared it with me. I was there to make her life easy. She had to tell me when something was wrong.

Time fled so fast. It had been 6 weeks since I was living in Chris' apartment and as I had hoped for, Molly didn't know a word about it. It was a real relief. Chris was removing her plaster in one week and would probably be back to work in 10 days max. At that time, I will be back in my house and life could be back to normal.

Chris went to bed and I make mine in the sofa. We said good night and both went on our sides. That was when she told me "Thank you for having my six, Street". She was standing in the threshold of her room and was smiling. It was good to see her like that.

"Always. You know who can count on me anytime. Except when we play cards!"

We laughed to the jokes. We often played cards during the past months and when she lived in my house after Ty and Kyra dumped her. We were both bad players, we didn't like to lose. We could speak for hours to try to convince the other that we were right about the card moves we had just played.

She came closer and hugged me. She thanked me once again to be here. I was sure she was crying but Chris was Chris and I couldn't tell her I saw her like that. So I just stroked her cheek with my finger. We stayed there for minutes, looking each other in the eyes and then she went back to her room. Before closing the door, she wished me good night.

Sometimes, when she was asleep, I felt the need to kiss her on her forehead. I didn't know why, I just did. Tonight I made it when she was awake. What did that mean? I didn't know. I just knew I was fine.

As I was just sitting in the sofa, someone knocked at the door. It was Tan coming to see Chris. I told him she was already asleep and invited him to stay to drink a beer.

"What's up, bro? Is Chris OK? "

"Yeah, better and better. She's just a lot tired. Her arm is very painful these last days."

"That's good to hear. You think she'll be back on duty soon?"

"It is a matter of days. The doctor will take her plaster off in one week and if everything's OK, she will be back less than one week after. She won't be able to be on the field right away but she could stay at SWAT headquarters in the control room with Hicks. Better than nothing."

Tan nodded. We stayed here in the sofa drinking our beer quietly.

"I can ask you something?"

"Of course, why are you asking?"

Tan took some times before he started to speak. "What is Chris to you?"

I remained speechless for a while. I didn't see that question coming.

"What are you talking about?" I was puzzled. "She's my teammate, my friend, my best friend…"

"And nothing more? I mean you're so knowing on the field and outside. It's obvious you're more than just…friends."

I didn't know what to answer. Of course, we were knowing, Chris and I. She was my best friend, the person I could tell everything. I couldn't imagine my life without her….

"I saw you earlier… Through the window… the way you looked at her, the way she hugged you, the way you stroked her cheek… Some gestures don't lie. She's more than a friend to you."

The words Tan just said shaked me. I was once again speechless. My mind was blowing up but the words refused to go out of my mouth. It was as if I was deprived of one of my senses.

Tan got up from the sofa. He remained quiet for a moment….

"Be careful, bro. You are at the crossroads of your life. The question you have to ask yourself is: are you really in love with Molly? You can't continue a relationship with her if your heart is full with someone else…"

He left the apartment. I was alone in the living room, in Chris' sofa… And I had no idea what I was gonna do with my personal life…


	18. 9 - Ninth part - Thoughts -Chris

Ninth part : talks

Song : Vancouver Sleep Clinic – Someone to Stay

One month ! Already one month with my plaster ! Two weeks left and I would be freed from it ! I was so hurried to be free again. And also to go back to work. Even if I had focused on my health for the past four weeks, I was more than ready to come back to SWAT headquarters and catch those Szcenik cousins who had almost killed me.

Street had told me the case was deadlocked. The mayor and the attorney were pushing Hicks and Hondo hard. As a consequence, the atmosphere in the team was tense. The cousins had vanished since the explosion and no one had ever seen them since not even their wives who were under surveillance.

I could feel at what extent Street was nervous when he came back home each evening. He always needed a few minutes to let go all the stress and anxiety and became the man I was best friend with. I always trie to prepare something to eat to make him think to other things… Except the nights he was with Molly. Those nights I'd rather order a pizza and watch an action movie! When we were together, we watched movies and played cards.

My ribs were aching less and less, my head was perfect but my left arm was still a pain in the ass! Doctors said it was normal. It would be still hurtful for a couple of months. That was why when I would be back at SWAT I would be assigned to the control room and could not go on the field. It was hard but I knew it was for my best and the best of my team. I had to be 100% able when I would be back on the field.

No way to talk about my left arm to the others and especially not to Street. When I had joked about this at the hospital, I thought he was becoming crazy! And he was too stressed because of work. And also because of Molly. I couldn't say why by the way. But something was unclear about these two. I had never seen her since he was staying at my apartment. It was weird… But he didn't say a word about it and it was definitively not my business…

"Damned arm!" I wa thinking of him for the whole night. Tonight, the pain was darting. I didn't know how to place it. And I so focused on it that I didn't even understand a thing to the movie. I tried to stay impassive. I didn't want Street to see I was aching. But I could see he was staring at me and I was embarrassed. I had to be more discreet.

He asked me a lot of questions. Too many questions. I didn't like questions. They were bothering me. I knew it was because he was worried about me. But I didn't want him to worry about. I just want him to be there with me because since the explosion, I had been feeling very anxious when I was alone, especially at night… Of course, I would never say that to him too!

I was probably not very convincing when I told him I was fine because he finally dropped the thing which ran through his mind for too many times : . "Chris, I know your arm hurts like a hell. You don't need to hide from me. Not after all we've been through. Not to me. If there's someone you can trust, it's me…"

I couldn't look at him in the eyes. I really wanted to but I couldn't. What if he saw the way I was feeling about him. I could feel he was looking at him. After a while, I couldn't do but look at him. Our eyes locked for what seemed to be hours… I was crying, my arm was hurting like a hell. I knew he understood my pain. He was the only one who could. And I was happy grateful to him for that. We understood each other with no word. I just nodded and smiled at him.

As we spent more and more time together, we were more and more knowing. Deac went to see me from time to time but he was so busy with his kids as Hondo with his dad. Tan and Luca were the ones who came the most often when they were on their days off. Street kept his time for himself and went to see Molly. I loved spending time with these guys because we always had a lot of fun. Luca always brought me food from his food truck and OMG it was so delicious.

We spoke about the case (which was getting nowhere these days), the success of the food truck, Tan's girlfriend, Bonnie. We teased Luca about Kelly's mother. Even if he didn't a word about her, Tan and I knew he had a hell of a crush on her. He was like a high school boy who tried to hide his crush to his mom but every time we told her name, he was blushing!

Weeks passed and I was one week from removing my plaster. It was such a relief! Soon, I could be back to work. I couldn't go back on field for months but just the fact to be back to SWAT headquarters and help my team from the control room was enough to make me happy. Soon, this explosion and all that came with would be a bad memory and I could go back to my life.

The only thing I was very sad about was Street was coming back to his home… And I had to be used to leaving alone again. I was kinda used to living with him for now 6 six weeks. I didn't know why I did that but all I knew was that I wanted to know he was everything to me at this moment.

"Thank you for having my six, Street"

I was standing at the threshold of my bedroom door. I was gonna go to bed, he was making his in the sofa. He smiled at me telling me I could count on him anytime except when we played cards. I laughed. I loved playing cards with him! He was even better at being bad player than I was!

I walked closer to him and before I knew I was hugging him. I still didn't understand what had happened. But I felt so good. I was there, he was too and I couldn't stop thanking for everything he had done for me since the explosion. I could feel the tears dropping from my eyes. I kept my head down for Street not to see even though I knew deep down he knew.

That was when he stroked my cheek with his finger. It was soft. I looked at him in the eyes and we stayed here for minutes. It was like we were in a bubble. I knew it was wrong but I felt so well. Unfortunately, I had to break the moment. It was not fair, not to me, not him, not to Molly. I had my chance and I didn't seize it. "Blame on you" my mind was screaming at me.

I let him alone in the living room and went back to my bedroom. Before I closed the door, I wished him a good night.

Mine was gonna be good for sure. I felt asleep in only few minutes. Too many emotions had reached me today.


	19. 10 - Tenth part - Talks - Jim

Tenth part : Talks

Song: One Republic - Let's Hurt Tonight

The talking with Tan had shaken me. How could he know as much? I thought I had been discreet. I had kept the secret from Molly! I was sure he was testing me. He was probably teasing me! He liked to bother me about my personal life because for years, it had been a real desert.

But this time, he was not wrong. I had something for Chris. Even if I denied it for months now, the explosion brought all the feelings I had for her back. Since the day I had arrived LAPD SWAT, I had had a thing for Chris. I had even invited her to go out with me in the early days. But I had quickly understood she was not into dating cops. She had made it very clear. But I couldn't let her go out of my life so you became friends, very good, close friends.

I could tell her everything. She covered for me when my mother came back. She fought for me to be back in SWAT when I had no idea I wanted to be back. She was there when my cycle broke down at 5 A.M. And It happened… after she had told me in confidence why she wouldn't date any cop, anywhere ever.

This moment broke something in our relationship. All the confidence we had vanished in a few seconds. I couldn't deny it. It was one of the best kisses I had ever had. I had waited for it for more than two years and I had almost scrapped it ever happened one day. When it happened, I had known since the beginning it was a mistake and I couldn't stop it. It was meant to be.

A few seconds of happiness and months of ignorance and pain. It was what this kiss meant by now. We stayed for months at odds. We didn't speak anymore. I wa pretty bad… I lost my best friend. And something happened : Chris broke up with Ty and Kyra and she went to me to help her. I couldn't do anything but help her. She was my best friend after all, whatever had happened. It was part of the past.

Molly couldn't understand that. She was in LA for only a few months and she couldn't witness the complicity we had shared with Chris before she arrived. I knew she didn't like seeing me so knowing with her. But I couldn't erase the past! Obviously, she didn't have all the details of our complicated relationship. And I was not about to give her. She would not understand. I didn't understand it either.

I didn't know what to do. Six months ago, I had a best friend and no girlfriend. By now, I had a girlfriend and a best friend… And I might be a little in love with my best friend… My personal life was really messed up! For now, I had to go to sleep and clear my mind. Maybe things would be clearer tomorrow morning.

When I woke up, my head ached. Chris was already up and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. And I was still wondering what to do. I drank my coffee and went to work. I promised Chris I would be there to bring her to the doctor to remove her plaster.

At work, I couldn't focus on the case. Even if Tan had found some clues about the Szcenik cousins, I only thought about Chris and Molly. What to do? I was lost. Tan slapped me on the shoulder.

"You're still with us, bro?"

"Yeah of course. Why are you saying that?"

"Since this morning, you seem to be out there." He paused for a moment. "I know what you are thinking about… can't help you to choose. But remember to choose with your heart, not your reason… I f I had listened to my reason, I would have dumped Bonnie. And God only knows where I'll be now!"

I decided to go to the archives room to look for new clues. And it was a good idea because I found the name of a man who used to be very good friend with the Sczenik cousins. And surprise, he was living in LA and was working in one of the banks which was robbed. I gave this information to Hondo before I went home to bring Chris to the hospital.

When I arrived at the apartment, she was waiting for me in the street. She got up on the bike just beside me. I drove to the hospital and we didn't share a word. We got in and reached the waiting room. Still no words. Chris went to the doctor's office. When she came back, she was plaster-free! I smiled at her. This nightmare was finally over.

"You're free!"

"Finally! I can't believe it is finished. The doc said I can go back to work on Monday!"

She took her phone and called Hondo to tell him the good news. She was assigned to the control room for two months, the time for her ribs, arm and head to be completely fine. But it was like she was born again!

This evening, we ordered a pizza and played cards for hours. She teased me and I teased her. We talked and we laughed. Life seemed so easy. Before going to bed, she hugged me (once again) and thanked me for everything I did for her. She told me it was our last night together and from tomorrow, I would be free to spend all my free time with Molly. She put her forehead against mine and we stayed like this for a long while.

"Goodnight, Street."

I remained here, in the middle of the living room, blissfully happy for I didn't know how long. I was woken up by someone who was knocking at the door. I was sure it was Tan! He had a talent for coming when everything was messy!

But it was not him I found behind the door…


	20. 10 - Tenth chapter - Talks - Chris

Tenth part : Talks

Song: Michael Logen – Darkness Within

I couldn't believe I had one that! Why on earth did I hug Street? And why did I cry while I was doing it? I was so shaken by what had just happened. I just needed to go to sleep! And that was what I did. As soon as my head reached the pillows, I fall deeply asleep and woke up until the morning.

I woke up very early. When I opened the door, Street was asleep on the sofa. He was snoring. I swore if my phone had some battery, I would record him! Just in case… to have something to blackmail him with.

I went to the kitchen. I had to keep my mind busy. Last night, I had been weak in front of Street and I was not proud of it. Even if he was my best friend, I couldn't be like that. I was evolving in a men's world and I needed to be much stronger, much tougher. I made some eggs, I fried bacon, I made pancakes. I was so on fire this morning! It had so much to do with the fact that this afternoon the doctor was gonna to remove my plaster.

Street woke up around 6:30AM. He had to go to work today. His shift was beginning at 8. He seemed so tired when he showed up in the kitchen. He drank a coffee, took some eggs, pancakes and bacon in a plastic box to eat in the morning. He promised me to be back in the afternoon to take me to the doctor. I didn't even ask for it. I could take the bus or order an Uber. But I could feel he was really to do it. Then he went to work and I remained alone in my apartment.

This afternoon, I had to go to the hospital. I didn't like to go there but this time, it was for the good cause: I was about to say goodbye to my plaster after six weeks of immobilization. It also meant I would be back to work in a few days and my life could be like before the explosion! I waited for this moment for so long!

I washed my uniform and my boots. I made it dry in the bathroom. I made sure my stuff were all clear for going back to work. I prepared my bag with my jump rope, my shots and my towel. I cleaned my room. I had let too much stuff lay around for weeks.

I was ready to go almost 45 minutes earlier. I put my jacket and got out of the apartment to enjoy the sun. I sat on the stairs on the first floor of the building and waited for Street to pick me up. I had not done this for so long. I was happy to be there…

My mind was drifting through the past weeks. So much had happened in so little time. I didn't know where to start. I met Street almost three years ago. We quickly became friends. It was as if I had known him forever! I could talk about anything with him, I could share my thoughts (not my deepest thoughts but at least the most convenient ones), I laughes and teased him. Everything seemed so easy when we were together. I thanked heaven every day for having met him!

And I totally screwed up. I kissed him while I was drunk and I felt guilty about it since. I had made myself a promise not to date or kiss any cop, anytime, anywhere after what had happened with Thompson. I shouldn't have done that but at the moment, it had seemed to be the thing to do… I was mad at myself. I broke our friendship and I had been blaming him for months. I lost the connection with my best friend for a mistake I made because of alcohol. I had been weak and I had refused to admit it. I paid for it since: he has been dating Molly and we lost the connection we had before. I hoped that one day, I would be able to make amends.

Street arrived right on time. I jumped on the bike just beside him and he drove till the hospital. I didn't want to talk. I thought he understood I needed silence and anything else. We entered the hospital and went to the waiting room. We didn't wait for long. The doctor came to meet me just a few minutes after we sat on the chairs.

I went to his office, letting Street alone in the waiting room. The doctor told me my arm was as good as before. I had to remain careful because it was still fragile. For at least six other weeks, I had to remain in the control room. At that moment, I had to come back to his office and he would give me the right to be back on the field.

I was relieved the doctor authorized me to go back to work. I was gonna be able to find my routine again. Even if I had to stay at SWAT HQ all day, it was a good beginning. The doctor asked me to meet a physiotherapist twice a week to rehabilitate my arm. I agreed even if it bothered me. I had to be 100% when I will be back on the field.

"You're free!" Street shouted as I came out of the doctor's office.

"Finally! I can't believe it is finished. The doc said I can go back to work on Monday!"

I called Hondo to learn him the good news. He exulted on the phone! I was so happy to be back at work with them all. I could hear Tan, Luca and Deac shouting besides Hondo. Soon all this story would be a bad dream and my life would be back to normal.

Street was still there, waiting for me. He was smiling like a kid. I liked when he was like this. On my way home, I was fine. My new life was about to begin and I really needed that to be able to move on.

This night, I made a promise to myself: starting to live again. We ordered a pizza, drank beers and played cards. And we laughed. We laughed so hard my belly was aching! It was a perfect night. SO I once again did something I shouldn't have: I got up from the sofa and I went to hug Street one last time. I was nostalgic. Our time together was coming to an end. And even if I didn't really want to admit it, I really enjoyed it.

"Thank you for everything you have done for me since the explosion. I could not have done anything without you. But from tomorrow, you'll be free to do what you like. I have used too much of your time by now. You could have time to be with Molly!"

As I was saying the last sentence, my heart broke. I should not have felt like this but it was the case. I put my forehead against his and we stayed there for seconds, minutes, hours. I didn't know what time it was when I left him in the middle of the living room.

"Goodnight, Street."

I closed the door and stayed for a moment. I was smiling. Whatever I was thinking, it was one of the best moments I had ever had. I knew it was bad because Street was in love with Molly but I couldn't fight this feeling. I went to bed still thinking about what had just happened. But as I was falling asleep, I heard someone knocking at the door…


	21. 11- Eleventh part - Clearing - Jim

Eleventh part : Clearing

Song : One Republic - Someone to Love

Molly was behind the door. She was fixing me. She was serious. She was not smiling as she used to. And I knew the time to talk was finally coming. I had not planned it came so quickly but I had no choice right now.

"Molly ?! what are you doing here? I was…"

"Can I come in? I at least deserve this…"

She came in Chris' apartment. At that moment, I was so glad Chris was in her room deeply asleep. I couldn't have handled Chris and Molly in the same room. I offered Molly a drink but she refused it. She only wanted to talk. She wanted to know what I was doing in Chris 'apartment at 11 P.M. wearing pajamas. She didn't understand why I was not in my house.

She was looking for me tonight because she had something to celebrate. She had just closed a big case she was working on for months this afternoon. She went by my house and Luca told her I was sleeping at Chris' since weeks now. My secret was eventually revealed. I had kept it for weeks and Luca had ruined everything in a few seconds.

I had to talk with her and explained why I was staying at Chris' for so long. I knew she would understand if I gave her all the details. I told her Hondo asked me to stay with her because he was afraid she might do something wrong after she had been injured in the explosion. I explained to her Chris had been badly injured: her left arm had been broken, she had just removed her plaster this afternoon. Some of her ribs were broken too and she had a pretty bad concussion in the head.

She remained silent and listened to me while I was telling her how I had spent all my evenings (or so). I told her the case was still in progress, that everyone was really anxious at work because of the pressure of the mayor and the attorney. She was still quiet. I didn't know what to do, what to say, what to explain…

It took her at least ten minutes before she started talking. She thanked me for all the explanations. My behavior of the last weeks had worried her. She was scared I had had a problem. She told me she didn't understand why I didn't say a word to her about the situation.

"I could have understand, you know… What I don't understand is why you have lied to me…"

I didn't know what to answer to that question. I had lied to her for sure. I couldn't deny it. But I had done it for her not to be worried about something she had nothing to worry about. And now she was reproaching me for not letting her know a thing that was bothering her. I was lost.

"I'm sorry" It was the only words which could get out of my mouth. I didn't want to justify what I had done. I just wanted Molly to understand I did it because I wanted to protect her. "I didn't want to hurt you or make you feel bad… I just acted in the moment. Chris needed help, Hondo asked me to be there for her and that was what I have done since. She's my best friend and…"

She looked pissed. She took a deep breath. "Don't lie to me like that Jim. You should have told me. Ok, I'm not a big fan of your friendship with Chris. But I could have understood if you had explained to me the circumstances. From my point of view, I have the impression you didn't want me to know you spent time with Chris…"

She was not wrong. But she was not right either. At first, I didn't want her to know about what happened to Chris because I didn't want her to be scared when I was on the job. Then I didn't say a word because after the mess it had been when Chris came to live in my house after she broke up with Ty and Kyra, I was not sure Molly would understand. And eventually, I might have not told a word because I enjoyed spending time with my best friend.

"You know I love you Jim. But this relationship you have with Chris… It's weird. You say she's your best friend but in the fact, she seems to be more… I am not jealous… Maybe a little… What I want to say is when you are together, I' m feeling excluded and I don't like that."

"You don't have to feel like that. You are my girlfriend and I love you. And if you feel like that, You have to tell me. I'll find a way to feel you better…"

"It's not so easy, Jim. If you hide something big like that from me, how can I know you are not hiding other things from me? From the beginning, I have known you have a special connection with her. To say the truth, she was the one I asked if you were single in the first time. Because I knew she was the only person in the world who would know the answer for sure. The question is what is she to you?"

I remained silent for a moment. She didn't seem to be angry at me or even anxious at what I could answer. She seemed resigned, fatalistic. As if she knew what was coming next.

"I think I have my answer. But have you yours, Jim?"

"I… don't… Know…"

I stayed speechless for a while. Everything was so topsy-turvy in my head. I really liked Molly, she was nice, she was smart, she was pretty, she was funny… But she was not Chris. At that moment, it occurred to me I had feelings for Chris… More feelings than I thought… And Molly knew about them.

"Molly… you know I love you. You know I've never played you since we have started dating. I like what we have. I really like the moments we spend together."

I looked at her in the eyes. I wanted to show her I was devoted to our relationship. I wanted her to know that when I started dating her, I was determined to build something solid, something permanent, something durable. She smiled at me and stroked my arm.

"You are a nice guy, Jim Street. You are sweet, you are delicate but you are not where you would like to be."

She got up from the sofa as she kept on talking. She took her jacket and put it on. Just before she opened the door to get out of the apartment, she turned towards me. I was near her. I didn't tell her to go.

"Please…"

She looked and smiled at me. She seemed peaceful with what she was about to say.

"Jim, you are a beautiful person. I am grateful for having met you. We have lived a lot of beautiful moments but I think now we have to go in separate directions. I wanted to thank you. We gave me a lot. I have been very happy with you. But our relation has come to an end. I know you like me a lot… But behind this door, there is someone you love deeply. Goodbye, Jim Street. It has been a pleasure to be your girlfriend. Be happy with her."

She kissed me one last time and vanished in the corridor. And I stayed completely stunned on the threshold of Chris' apartment.


	22. 11 - Eleventh part - Clearing - Chris

Eleventh part : Clearing

Song : Lewis Capaldi – Someone you loved

I heard a voice. At first, I didn't recognize it. The person was speaking too low. All I could tell was Street knew who it was. I heard him answer. The person entered and the door closed. The voice became clearer. And then it became obvious, the person who had just com in my apartment was Molly. I could recognize her soft voice.

Did Street have a date with her? He didn't tell me a word about it. Maybe he was glad I went to bed so Molly could come and stay with him for the night. I was lost. I imagined things. But he seemed puzzled, surprised, embarrassed.

I should have not listened to the talking they had. I knew it was wrong. I had known it was at the moment I heard the ringing and I didn't cover my ears. I wanted to know how it worked between the two of them. I wanted to know why he chose her, how she won his heart. I was not jealous of course. I just wanted to know what James Street liked in a woman.

Molly was indeed perfect. She was smart, beautiful, full of life. She had a healthy, not complicated life. And her childhood had been perfect. She lost her mom as a young adult and didn't sink into drugs like her brother. In fact, she had been the cornerstone of her family. I understood why Street had chosen her…

Speaking of Street, he was nonstop talking. He was explaining the whole situation to her. That was very weird. She should know all of this for weeks now! Street was sleeping in my coach for 6 weeks! At least, he didn't say a word about it to her. But why did he do such a thing?

Many theories blew up in my mind. What was Street hiding? Was he lying to Molly because he was ashamed of our friendship? Or because I was too embarrassing? Or maybe because he was feeling something for me? No ! This last option was nonsense. He was over me for months now! I made it perfectly clear I would never date a cop again… Lucky me!

I decided to stop listening. It was not my business And even if I needed to know more, I couldn't keep on spying on their talking. At the same moment, Street stopped talking and Molly remained silent. I took my earplug in my drawer and put them in my ears. The world around became quiet and peaceful. I could only see the lights of the cars driving in the street through the window. It calmed me down.

I loved when I was feeling this way. I thought about my cousins, my uncle and my aunt. I hadn't seen them for weeks now. This weekend, I was gonna pay them a visit and spend time with us. I wouldn't be there if they had not pushed me! My family was everything to me. They made me who I was today. And for that, I would be forever grateful to them.

When I lose my mum at the age of 16, I was so lost. My dad was already gone for years and she was the only person I could rely on. Her death meant I was alone. The policemen didn't even care I was her daughter. They just talked about her accident and her body like she was nothing. It almost killed me. That was when my uncle Sarzo welcomed me in his family. I didn't see them much. My mum was working a lot and I was a stupid teenager by this time.

And he welcomed me after all. I turned into a hard-working at school girl. Not that I didn't work before but this time, I had a purpose. I had to succeed to thank him and his family for bringing me here and giving love. I finished high school, went to the academy and finished as the major of the promo.

I was affected to the downtown precinct and learnt the job on the field. But I felt I needed something more. I loved being a cop, But I did need to be more useful. That was how I trained to become a K-9 unit agent. I learnt to work with dogs. And It was an eye-opener! I loved working with dogs. They were far more true than humans. I needed to stay away from human partners, especially after my relationship with Thompson. I met Champ and I was happy. After a while, I needed to evolve and that was how I took the SWAT exam. I passed it and became the first woman to ever pass it ! Oh, Mom, if only you could see what I had become! Hope you would be proud!

I was surprised by the sound of the door. It scared me for a while. I had forgotten about the two other people in my apartment. At first, I stayed in my bed. I didn't know what to do… Then, I decided to wake up and see what was going on. I could say I was sleeping and the door woke me up.

When I opened the door of my bedroom, Street was standing in front of the entrance door. He was motionless, his arms were dangling. He seemed lost, sad, overwhelmed. He was staring at the door as if it was going to reopen in the few coming minutes.

"Hey… Are you alright?"

He didn't answer. "Hey Street. Do you need any help? You seem lost. Can I help you?"

Once again, he didn't say a word. After a few minutes, he looked at me.

"I know she was here… I didn't sleep… I tried not to listen but…"

He looked down. He was so sad. I had to do something.

"Go and get her. She still loves you. You can still catch her up. Just… go"

My voice broke. I smiled at him. He smiled back and he left. I stayed alone in the living room. I felt tears coming from my eyes and I couldn't stop them.

I went back to bed and rolled up under my quilt. At least, I couldn't be seen. That was stupid because I was alone. I cried for what seemed to be hours. I felt so bad even if I had done what had to be done for Street. I couldn't deny it… I had feelings for Street. It was bad, it was against my beliefs but they were there and I couldn't do anything against them… I kept crying. It made me feel better (as weird it could seem!).

My eyes were swollen… I was sniffling and I heard a noise. Someone was opening the door of my room. It was Street. He was looking at me. So I looked at him with my red eyes. We stayed like that for a few seconds. And all of a sudden, he took off his shoes and lay down in the bed next to me. I didn't say a word, neither did he. And we fell asleep…


	23. 12 - Twelfth part - Stand by - Jim

Twelfth part : stand by

Song : Seafret – Atlantis

I ran after Molly. I ran so fast I almost caught her at the crossroads. And then I stopped running. I literally stopped running and stayed frozen on the pavement. I looked at Molly. She was walking away. I could have caught, I could have… But I didn't do it. I just couldn't explain it. I just did.

I watched her vanished at the end of the street. She was driving her car. I swore I saw her cry in the car. But I didn't move. Deep down inside me, I knew it was the best way to end our story. I also knew our story couldn't keep going on. My heart, my head, my mind were upside down. I was lost. I hurt Molly. Chris was broken. And the Sczenik cousins were still somewhere where we couldn't find them.

Before doing anything, I needed to clear my mind out. I walked in the streets, I meandered in the neighborhood. I thought of no place to go. I knew I could go to Luca's but North Hollywood was really far away from here and I didn't have the courage to travel so many miles. Walking made me feel fine, free from all my questioning.

As I was walking, I was looking at the houses that were surrounding me: they belonged to families. There were bikes in the garden, toys all around the lawn. When the lights were on, I could see the mothers and the fathers played with their children. I envied their perfect life, the love they share.

I didn't know how I ended here. All I knew was that my stroll brought me to Chris' building. I climbed the stairs and came in the apartment. I didn't think or analyze the situation. I was sad, lost. I needed to rest. So I did the only thing I thought was a good idea at the time. I entered Chris' bedroom and joined her in the bed. I lay down next to her and didn't say a word. I knew she was crying, her eyes were swollen but I didn't want to talk tonight.

I fell asleep and woke up early. Chris was still sleeping. I took my stuff and went back to my house. I had two days off and really needed them to recharge my batteries. Hondo had asked us to be back at work on Monday morning at our very best. I remained two days at home. I ran. I did weights. I cleaned the house, I tidied. But I couldn't sleep.

On Monday morning, I drove to SWAT headquarters. Chris was already there. I nodded at her as I was on my way to the locker room. She smiled. I changed and went to meet her in the briefing room. Before we had the time to share some words, Hondo, Tan, Luca and Deac joined us. They all congratulated Chris to be back at SWAT. She was happy. I was happy for her and hugged her like the others. I felt her body against mine and I hugged her harder. She did the same. It was a little stolen moment. I let her go and we started to work.

The Sczenik cousins had been seen in Santa Monica this weekend. Rokker's team followed them until a warehouse in West Hollywood. Since then, some agents were spying on them. The cousins spent the whole weekend inside and seemed to be very nervous according to Rokker team. Hondo explained to us we were gonna go to the warehouse and arrested these men. I saw anxiety in Chris' eyes. Even if she was not on the field, I could tell she was afraid for all of us. I looked at her, smiled and squeezed her arm.

"Everything will be OK". I whispered in her ear. "No need to worry. We're gonna arrest these guys and send them to jail….Especially after what they did to you…"

She looked at me. I could see in her eyes the anxiety was still there but she seemed a little reassured.

We left the headquarters fifteen minutes later. This time, the operation went well. The cousins were in the warehouse when we arrived. Chris and Hicks led us from the control room and we entered inside the building. Hondo, Tan and Luca went to catch the cousins while Deac and I secured the doors. After cuffing the men, we found boxes filled with bank notes. All the money they stole was there, ready to be shipped to Poland. We also found ticket planes and fake passports for them and their families. The guys were about to leave!

As we came back to SWAT headquarters, everyone was feeling more relaxed. We finally got the guys who almost killed Chris and Hondo! It went so fast, I didn't even realize. This case was over. The Sczenik cousins were gonna go to prison and our lives were gonna be so much tense! Hondo led them to the interrogation room. Chris asked to be one of the questioners. Hondo approved and they came into the room. Deac and Luca went to the next room to question the second cousin. Tan and I took care of the third one.

All the men confessed. They couldn't do otherwise. The proof was overwhelming. Hondo proposed to go for a drink. We all agreed. We went to the locker room and took our stuff. We spent the whole evening to the bar. It was good to see everyone laughed again. We left the bar hours later. I asked to Chris if she needed a ride. She nodded. She sat behind me on the bike. We rode for ten minutes up to her apartment. She got off, thanked me and went away.

I drove away. On my way home, I felt bad. I couldn't understand why. I was just bad, sad, overwhelmed. I just needed to go back to Chris'. I couldn't stand to be far away from her. It was unexplainable. I was just feeling weird, empty. I turned around and drove back to her apartment. In a few minutes, I was back to her place. I remained still for a moment. I couldn't move. I was staring at the building. And all of a sudden, I ran in the stairs and reached Chris' apartment. I opened the door, I took off my shoes and my jacket, entered the bedroom and lay down near Chris.

She sat in the bed and looked at me puzzled. I didn't say a word. She got back under the quilt and let me put my arm around her waist. Before I could even think to something, I was deeply asleep.


	24. 12 - Twelfth part - Stand by - Chris

Twelfth part – Stand by

Song : Syml – Wildfire

When I woke up, I was alone in my bed. Street was not there. I didn't dream : yesterday night, he came back to my apartment and lay next to me. He had felt asleep very quick. I should have done the same shortly after him. I heard noise coming from the kitchen. Street had to be there.

I got up and found no one in the kitchen, neither in the apartment. The noise I had heard was the curtain hitting the window. I was disappointed. I was alone. Street had gone and we didn't have the chance to talk about what had happened last night.

In fact, I didn't know if I was ready to talk. I just admitted to myself maybe it would be a good idea to make words on what had happened since the last 6 weeks. I went for a run in the afternoon. It was the first time I ran since the explosion. It was like I was born again. I felt free, finally myself. I was very careful and didn't run for long as the doctor had ordered me.

I spent the rest of the weekend at home. I watched movies and TV shows. My uncle Sarzo came to visit me. He was glad I was doing fine. He confessed me all the family was very anxious about what had happened to me. I really loved my family but sometimes they were worrying about me too much. I knew they were not happy I was a cop. They would have loved me to choose a job less dangerous. They always supported me by the way. But they remained stressed about what could happen to me when I was on the job.

On Monday morning, I woke up at 6. I was so hurried to go back to work. I had so missed this! And honestly, I needed something to forget about my personal life. It was so messy… I forced me to put barriers between my professional life and my personal life. Especially after what had happened with Thompson. Then, Street entered my life and everything was upside-down.

I arrived to the headquarters very early. It was good to be in the locker room, smell the sport room and hear the sound of shoot room. I meandered in the headquarters for about half an hour before the team took its shift. As I was walking to the briefing room, I saw Street. He said hello by nodding at me. I smiled and kept walking to meet the team. The guys arrived just a couple of minutes later. Street was the first to enter and before we had the time to share a word, Hondo, Tan, Luca and Deac entered the room. It was so good to see them! They hugged me and told me how they were glad I was finally back. I was happy to be here. I couldn't stop smiling.

Stret finally came to see me and like the others, he hugged me. But this time, it felt different. I was happy when Hondo, Tan, Luca and Deac had hugged me but with Street, it was not the same. I hugged him harder. I didn't want to let him go but I had to. We had to start to work.

Rokker and his team and located the Sczenik cousins in a warehouse near West Hollywood. Since Saturday, no one had got out of the place. Rokker and his men had looked after the warehouse for the whole weekend and nothing had happened. What could they prepare? Why did they get out of their hideout? Why now? Hondo told the guys they had to go there and arrest the guys and I couldn't stop worrying. What if it happened the same thing it had happened last time? I could stop thinking about the explosion and Hondo and I getting hurt…

the cousins Street looked at me and understood I was scared for my team, for my friends, for him. He squeezed my arm as a way to tell me everything was gonna be OK. He slowly came closer to my ear and whispered "Everything will be OK. No need to worry. We're gonna arrest these guys and send them to jail….Especially after what they did to you…". This guy could really read in my mind and it was disturbing. I looked at him in the eyes. I couldn't say a word even though I wanted to thank him for everything he did. I gave him a smile to show him I was reassured or at least, to make him believe so.

The field operation was stressful. I bit my nails". Hicks saw me and told me everything would be over soon, that I had no need to worry. Hondo and the team were good. This time, the Sczenik cousins had no idea they had been noticed. They didn't even know they were about to be arrested. And he was right. The operation was a full success. The team arrested the cousins so quickly, I didn't even realize the case was over for good.

When the team came back to the headquarter, I asked Hondo to be one of the questioners. I really needed to take an active part in the arrest of these guys. They hurt me so deeply, they made me lost a part of my confidence, they hurt my boss, my pride. I had to take them down even if I couldn't be on the field. Hondo approved my request. I came in the first interrogation room with him. I saw the others go the next rooms.

When I entered the room, I was face to face with Roman Sczenik. Roman was the head of the gang, the mastermind of the group. I asked all the questions, Hondo let me lead the interrogation. He probably knew I needed it to feel better. At first, Roman was arrogant. He made me understand he was the one with the power. He couldn't stop taunting at me. That was then I got out the file I was hiding under my jacket since the beginning. I listed all the clues we had against him and his cousins. He kept mocking.

So I used the second list I had in my file . It contained the confessions of the security guard we arrested early on, the reports of their old criminal activities in Poland and in the US and most important, the file included incriminating evidence against his wife and the wives of his cousins. As soon as I told him about this information, he became paler and paler. Her mocking smile had gone away. He seemed lost, afraid… Then, I hit him with the explosion and the fact that it almost killed my boss and I. I told him that he'd better be confessing … At least for saving his wife because he – for sure was going to jail for a long time. That was the moment I knew I had broken him. His face was motionless, he lost every trace of mockery or disdain. He confessed his role in the robberies, how he planned them with his cousins and other accomplices, where the money was hidden and how they planned to flee from the US in the next days.

I did it! He confessed and all because of my work! Oh God, How I loved my job ! Hondo congratulated me and offered drinks to the whole team. We went to the locker room, the day was already over and we went to our favorite bar. It felt so good to be back with them, to be part of the team, to work, to try to make the world better.

We left the bar hours later. As I was about to call a taxi, Street asked me if I needed a ride. I nodded and sat behind him. It was good to feel him so close. We didn't say a word during the ride. I thought each of us was lost in mind. He dropped me in fornt of my building. I thanked him and he drove away. Even if I had had a great evening, the beginning of my night was a little bitter.

I came in my apartment, took a shower and put my pajamas. Before going to bed, I ate some biscuits. Then I reached my bed and lay down under my quilt. I was thinking about this day, my first day back at work, this magical evening. I smiled, I was a lucky girl whatever I could have thought earlier when Street dropped me by my apartment.

All of a sudden, I panicked. A key noise was coming from my door. Someone was in my living room ! I had to find my gun and... Before I had the time to make any move, I saw Street opened the bedroom door. He stared at me , said no word and the lay down next to me. I was so scared I sat in my bed. He remained still, didn't say a word. I lay down and put the quilt over me. That was when I felt her arm around my waist. I didn't push him away. We needed each other more than we could say.

The morning after when I woke up to go to work, he was still there. Her am was still on my waist and I didn't know why we both smiled...


	25. Thirteenth part- Speaking up - JimChris

Thirteenth part: speaking up

Jim John Legend – Made to Love

When I woke up, I was alone in the room. The bed was still warm so Chris had to be somewhere. She might have been up for only a few minutes... I woke up and she was in the kitchen. We ate breakfast and went to work without saying a word. I took my bike, she took her car. It was better if anyone knew we were together last night.

Days at work were busy. Even if the Sczenik cousins had been arrested, the city was still full of criminals: drug dealers, gangs, robbers, murderers. We didn't have a minute to rest. And in fact, I loved that because it prevented me from thinking about my personal life which was very complicated by the way.

I liked when my mind was busy and not thinking. I loved acting, being in the move, catching bad guys and having fun with my colleagues. Tan couldn't stop teasing me about my love life.

"Didn't see Molly for a long time, bro. Is she OK? Are you OK? "

I nodded (what else to do?) and mumbled. I said she had a lot of work to do, she was very busy and couldn't come to see me as often as she'd love to. Chris looked at me and then down. She knew the situation, she knew Molly and I had broken up for weeks now. And she also knew I didn't want to tell about it to the guys… At least, not now, not like that, not here.

Days passed and each day, I followed the same pattern: I left SWAT headquarters after duty, sometimes, I took a drink with the guy and then I drove my bike to North Hollywood to my house. I stayed there for a couple of hours, I drank a beer in the courtyard or I made laundry. And then when the day fell, I felt the urge to go to Chris's . I couldn't explain why. I just did. So I took my bike, drove through LA back to her apartment, lay down next to her and felt asleep until the morning after.

Two years ago, when I entered SWAT, I was just a young stupid cop who fell for his co-worker who made it really clear from the beginning she would never date a cop. Then, we became friends, best friends and it was enough because at the time, it was the only thing I could get. And then we kissed, and I thought something between us was possible… And the she cut ties with me. And I met Molly and she was nice, cute, perfect… but she was not Chris and I blew everything up with her.

And now, I didn't know where I was. Almost each night, I couldn't stop going to Chris's and sleeping with her…. At first, she was surprised and puzzled. But by now, she didn't even lock her door as if she was waiting for me to come. We didn't talk, we just shared looks, smiles, moments. And to say the truth, it was enough. I felt good, calm, peaceful. It lasted for weeks. I almost thought this situation was normal up to the night, Chris asked me if we could talk...

Chris SATV Music - Can't stop this feeling

I was not gonna lie, I had loved when Street came and lay down against me. I knew it was not good, I knew I had promised myself not to fall for another cop. But here I was. And the bad thing was I thought he felt the same way… To be fair, I didn't know if it was a bad thing… But I did know something was going on right here, right now.

This morning, I was glad to see him next to me. I was glad he came to eat his breakfast with me. We didn't say a word, we were not great talkers. We just enjoyed each other company. And then, it was time to go to work.

At work, I didn't think about anything else as doing the best I could to catch bad guys: all my force and energy led me to arrest criminals and make LA streets surer. "More action and less reflection" was my mantra of the moment. My job was all I loved and all I needed. I didn't think, I just did? I ran, I jumped, I shot, I climbed. Oh God, how I loved what I did! And even more when my personal life was such a messy mess!

I used to being a free mind, I always been and I always will be. But since some times, I was lost. I dated Jilly for fun (and also to prove Street I was better at flirting as he), then I started to see Kyra and it was good. She was nice, she was perfect but she had a Ty. I tried to be as good with him as I was with her. For some reasons I didn't get, we never had been on the same wavelength. He even accused me of loving Kyra more than him. I had never denied I loved her more.

She was the one I had met first, she had brought him into the equation and I loved what we had had; But they never understood my dedication to my job and the relation I had with my teammates. And I finally understood I could never interfere in their marriage… They loved each other. I saw that by myself at the fundraiser as they were by the bar. It was also this night my relationship with Street changed forever. I was still mad at myself for kissing him in his courtyard… I was drunk but that was not an excuse. I could have stopped what was happening. I did nothing, I even deepened the kiss. Shame on me! Since that moment, my personal life was upside-down. I tried to push him away, as far away as I could, but he always came back to me. It was as I we were attracted like magnets.

After he broke up with Molly, he started to come and sleep with me. I didn't push him this time. I didn't have the force to do so. And it happened night after night. Street came to my apartment late at night and lay down in my bed. We slept in the same bed for almost a month now and we didn't talk about it. Not that I was mad at him to ocome and stay with me. But I needed words this time, I needed explanations, I needed to … talk.

So this night, when Street came home by me, I sat in the bed and asked him if we could talk...


	26. 13 - Thirteenth part Speaking up -J&C

Thirteenth part: speaking up

Jim and Chris – Amber Found - I run

This question surprised Street. This question freed Chris. They started at each other for minutes. How could they start this talking that should have been taken place for months now?

"We need to talk..."

Chris was sitting in the bed and was determined to talk with Street. She liked he came each night next to her in her bed. She liked to feel his warmth against her body, his breath in her neck, her arm around her waist. But they needed to clarify their relationship. She couldn't keep going like that. She needed answers. And she waited for him to speak but he was like paralyzed.

"Street… I don't know how to start… I really like our friendship.. It means the world to me... I could never thank you enough for what you did when I was wounded… And I like you stay with me the whole time. And.."

She started stumbling on her own words. What to say? What to do? How will he react? For the first time in her life, she was lost. She used to be fierce, strong, wild, untamable. But right now, she was just a little girl afraid of what the boy she liked was about to say. The problem was he stayed quiet.

You know what I'm going to say. You know that something changed since …that kiss."

She was proud of herself. She managed to say it aloud. She lanced the boil. It had been hard but she did it and it felt so good… for the moment.

"I made a lot of mistakes since… First was to push you away. I should have never done that. It was not fair to you, to me, to our friendship… But I was committed to Ty and Kyra then and I felt like I betrayed them. As you know, I'm not very good at expressing …"

"What do you want to talk about all of this, Chris? Why right now? Why talking about all of this when all is finally calm and cool?"

"Because …" She looked down and stayed quiet.

"I thought we were over this, Chris. I have suffered enough when you ignore me, when you didn't even call me a friend anymore, when I was nothing to you. I was with Molly and I dropped her for a while just to help you. And now she's gone… It was a hard time for me. And now, you would like to talk? When I have finally found my balance! How dare you, Chris?"

She stared at him for a while. Her look was as black as a storm. He could see the fear, the anger, the lack of understanding in her eyes. He also saw she was hurt by what he had just said.

"I had suffered too, And I'm still suffering. Ok I've been an idiot, I've been a complete fool. I was protecting myself by hurting you. And I feel so bad about that. You don't need to remind me of how stupid I've been. All I need is for us to talk. That kiss changed everything and we should have talked about it months ago. I'm sorry for my behavior, I'm sorry I fled, I'm sorry I left you…"

"Don't need to be sorry Chris. All this is over. All this is past. I don't want to look back."

"You don't want to look back ? But how can we move on I we don't clear the past? Jim, I need you to yell at me. To tell me what you feel. You can't be so indifferent, you can't be so detached… You don't even look at me when I'm talking to you."

Street came closer to her but kept looking at the ground. His fists are clenched.

"Don't ever tell me that I didn't suffer, that you were the only one who are feeling bad. You have no right to say so."

"So talk to me! "

"To say what, Chris? That I have suffered more than I could have…that I suffered because you have been selfish? What do you want me to say? What do you want me to do?"

At that moment, Chris could feel all the rage coming from Street. She felt anger too. But the talk should have taken place sooner. All the unsaid things, all the secrets kept inside, all the tension. At this precise moment, all came back up.

"I suffered too. And yes, I had been selfish, I had been stupid, I had been a douche with you. I should have been less cold, more understanding. But you know how I am. You understood from the beginning I was an uncompromising person. I am who I am. And I can't change it. At least, I can't change it completely. But I have learnt from my mistake. I saw you suffer and I suffered.. I still am. And I know you feel the same way. It took me months to understand but now, I have and that's why we need to talk…"

"You have no right to ask that Chris. I suffered a lot. It was as if you stabbed me right in the heart. I moved on when I went out with Molly. I've learnt to push you away. I've learnt to live without you. I've learnt to understand I was gonna be nothing more than your colleague from SWAT. So Chris don't you dare tell me you have suffered as much as I did. Because truth is I'm still suffering. Molly is gone because she thinks I'm too close to you. And it makes me realize the most I send you away, the most I'm coming to you and it kills me…"

Street looked at Chris in the eyes. For a moment, neither of them was talking. They were just staring at each other. No one knew what to do, what to say. This moment had to happen. But they didn't realize how much it would be awkward, intense and brutal. Now the words were said and they needed to deal with them.

"Street… Jim… I know I screwed up. And I'm very sorry for everything. I will give everything I can to change what I did. But I can't. And it kills me to have broken our friendship…. You ARE my best friend, Jim Street. You're the person I want to call when I'm bad. You're the person I want to call when I'm happy. And I broke all we had: the trust, the fun, the sharing…All of that because of my pride… I could never tell you how sorry I am for what did."

She started to cry. Tears were coming from her eyes and even if she wished they didn't come out, they were there. She was crying in front of Street. She felt so shameful, so bad, so fragile, so vulnerable. She didn't like that. She didn't like to show her feelings, to reveal who she really was.

Street was looking at her. He was like frozen. His gaze was lost as if he was far away from here.

Chris went out to the kitchen. She needed to breathe, to feel fresh air on her face. She opened the window and looked at the neighbor. Everything was calm, all the lights were off. This atmosphere made Chris feel more comfortable. She was still crying but she was proud of herself. She finally said everything she held a grudge. Maybe she definitively lost Street, maybe she has just busted the last chance she had to be friend with Street again. But she was glad she told him she was sorry, she messed up and she felt guilty about what she did.

Alone, in the kitchen, she thought about what just happened. Now she had to move on, focus on her job and party…a lot! She closed the window and turned around to go back to the living room. She was gonna sleep in the coach tonight. It was better for both of them. When she turned, he was here, right in front of her. He was crying too. They had the same swollen red eyes.

She couldn't move. She was like paralyzed. What was he doing here? She moved from the room to stay alone and now she was not. He was here staring at her. He didn't know what he was doing here too. He was just looking at her. Her eyes were as red as his.

And then, he felt an impulse. Something he couldn't control. He walked through the kitchen and pushed her against the sink. He reached her mouth and started to kiss her deeply, passionately. She answered to his kiss. They couldn't stop kissing. It was as if their life depended on it taking pause only to catch their breath. He pushed her harder. She could feel his body against hers. They remained like this, seconds, minutes, hours… Neither of them knew. And after all, who mattered?


	27. 14 -Fourteenth part - Truth - Jim

Fourteenth part : Truth

Jim Welshy Army – Sanctuary

When she left the bedroom, I was both empty and angry. How did she dare talk to me like that? If someone has suffered during the last months, it had to be me! I was the one who suffered when she had gone away after we had kissed. I was the one she dumped in the break room saying the kiss was not mutual. I was the one she didn't talk to for months, the one she refused to look. And now she accused me of not listening and not talking to her?

I decided to focus on something else to calm down. But I couldn't. Chris was all over my mind. I saw her crying and he broke my heart. Relationships shouldn't be like that. For months, we tore each other apart. We yelled. We cried. We ignored each other. We were angry. We lost our friendship. However, we had everything to be happy. We were best friends. We understood each other like anybody else. We were anything for each other.

And that kiss changed, broke everything. Because it broke to real life things we were hiding for years now. I was sure I was feeling something for Chris. But now I was sure she was feeling the same or at least, she was feeling something for me.

I stayed sitting in Chris' bed for a long time. My eyes stared into space. I didn't know what to do, what to say. My reason was telling me to go. My heart was telling me to go to her and kiss her. So I got up and got to the kitchen where she was closing the window. When she turned back, I was there. And I had no idea what to do. I was crying. I could feel tears running out my eyes. She was too.

I couldn't say why but I felt a rush through my body, an urge to go near Chris, to hug her, to kiss her. I had already felt this way but not so deeply. All my body rushed me to join Chris at the other side of the kitchen. So did I. I put my arms around her and pushed her against the sink. And I kissed her, so deeply, so passionately. I didn't know you could feel this way when you kiss someone…

She kissed me back. I was not dreaming, Chris was kissing me back! Our faces were so close I could feel her warm tears against my cheeks. I couldn't stop kissing her. It was like I couldn't let my face go from hers. All my body was burning so I pushed her harder against the sink. I felt her tiny body against mine. It felt so good, I had the impression to be right where I was supposed to be.

At one moment, we stopped kissing. Our faces moved away from each other. We both knew this time, this kiss was mutual. I could tell it by the way Chris was looking at me. I wanted to kiss her again. But instead I felt her hand taking mine. Her gaze didn't leave mine and she led me to her bedroom. I didn't make a move. I just followed her. I was like hypnotized.

She kissed me slowly. I answered his kiss. Her hands hugged my body and I felt so weak. She was all I had ever wanted and she was finally answered me. After all the fights, the silences, the uneasiness, I felt relieved we were finally on the same line. I touched her body. I could feel she was shivering under my fingers. I kissed her neck, her shoulders, her arms. I just couldn't stop.

I finally led her to the bed. She let me do it. I kept kissing her while I was taking off her pajamas. For the first time, I was really touching her skin, her breast, her belly. She was so beautiful. Our bodies meet skin to skin for the first time. And it felt like they always had been connected. She followed my moves and kissed me all along. We were on the same line, connected as ever. She let out a moan and then she looked at me in the eyes. Our gazes were locked as if nothing else existed. I looked for her hands and reached them. Our fingers intertwined. Our hands clutched.

We made love for hours. I couldn't fill up with her skin, her smell, her perfume. I was right where I wanted. Right where we were supposed to be. Our bodies talked to each other so easily. She knew exactly what I was doing and she led me to places I had never been. I reached a level of pleasure I had never experienced. It was so intense, so deep, so strong, so powerful… I didn't even find the words to describe what I was living. How the earth did it so much time to arrive to this moment of bliss? Why did we have to fight, to yell, to sulk to finally admit how we both felt?

Eventually, Chris took me in her arms and held me tight. She kissed my cheek, smiled and lay down next to me. I was happy and I knew she was too. She fell asleep on my chest right after. One of her hands was on my torso. I stayed awake for a while. I couldn't believe I was in the same bed as her. I couldn't believe she was touching me, that our bare skin finally met. She was there breathing near me. She seemed so peaceful. And I was the luckiest guy in the world…


	28. 14 - Fourteenth part - Truth -Chris

Fourteenth part : Truth

Chris Sia & Zayn – Dusk till Dawn

I had to leave the bedroom. I couldn't watch him in the eyes. I was so sad, I suffered so much. I needed to put all behind me. I needed a fresh start. And this fresh start began right now in the kitchen where I was alone. I just needed to breathe. So I opened the window and looked at the street for a long time. It calmed me down even if she couldn't stop crying. Tears were running out of her eyes so easily.

I might have lost Jim forever but at least I told him everything I had in my mind. Tears kept on rolling on her cheeks. Tonight changed everything. The night of the kiss was the beginning and tonight was likely the end. What was done was done and she couldn't change what she had said.

Right now, I only wanted to sleep … in the coach. No way I would be back in the bedroom by now. It would be too awkward, too weird to sleep next to Street after what we had said. As I turned to the entrance of the kitchen, I saw him. He was there just in front of me. He was frozen at the threshold, looking at me. He was right where I needed to go to sleep. And he cried as I was….

What to do? What to say? Right at that moment, I was lost. I didn't want to start another fight. I was too tired because of the previous one. I didn't want to talk. Everything had been told before. And I just wanted to go to sleep and forgot about the awful night.

All of a sudden, I saw him come to me. Why the hell was he doing that? And right before I had the time to think or talk, he pushed me against the sink and kissed me deeply and intensively. And I felt the urge to answer. I kissed him deeper. It was so good, so easy, so pleasant. His body was against mine and I could feel the heat of his body. He pushed me harder and deepened the kiss. Oh God, How I liked that!

When we finally stooped kissing (even though I had dreamt he continued for hours…), we shared a long, meaningful stare. He was ready to kiss me again. I really wanted this but at that moment, I knew what I had to do. I took his hand in mine and led him to my bedroom. He was like paralyzed and let me pull him to my bed. It was the time, I was nervous but I knew it was the right thing to do.

This time, I kissed him first. He answered me and it was even better than the first time. Our tongues were synchronized. They danced slowly together. My hands touched his body, felt his warmth, explored every inch of his torso. I was so excited to discover a new territory, a territory which was forbidden to me just hours ago. HE was all mine, I could feel it. And I was all his if he wanted.

He understood the message I was sending to him. He started to touch my body. I was shivering under his caresses. He was bringing me to a place I had never been before. I kissed each nook and cranny of his body. I couldn't stop. I needed to feel him under my lips. He pressed my waist with his two hands and pushed me in the bed. I was ready for this, my body was ready for this and it was happening right now.

He took off my clothes while he was taking off his. For the first time, our bare skin met and it was like a firework. I followed his lead. He was the captain and I liked that. He brought me in places I thought I could never reach. I let out a moan several times. I couldn't do otherwise. He knew how to please me, how to give what I had always wanted. I was carried away in a world I didn't know. I had a lot of lovers but I had never been so connected than I was right now with Jim. I looked at him. I wanted to see the man who gave me so much pleasure. I wanted to seal this perfect match. He looked at me too. I knew at a that moment he was feeling the same way. We finally found. I had really been stupid not to accept my feelings for this man earlier. He took my hand and our fingers merged.

I couldn't stop kissing him. It was as if my lips were never tired of his skin, his mouth. I needed to be close to him. I needed to feel him. I was like hypnotized. This man understood me like no one had before and I would never be tired of feeling that way.

Hours later, I was so exhausted. We both were. I hugged him as strong as I could. When I stopped hugging him, we both stared in the eyes and we smiled. All the tension, the stress , the anxiety of the last months had gone. Without saying a word, I lay next to him and put my head on his torso. I felt so peaceful there, against him. And I fell deeply happily asleep.

The morning after, when I woke up, I was still in his arms. He was lying next to me. He slept so deeply. I spent minutes to look at this man I had tried to push away so hard. What a dumb woman I had been. I could never put him away… Because I was in love with this stupid guy…


	29. 15 - Fifteenth part - Secrets - Jim

Fifteenth part : secrets

Jim One Republic – I lived

It had been one week since Chris and I were together and what a week! I couldn't stop smiling. Guys at work didn't stop teasing me on how and why I was so blissfully happy. I just answered it was because I was in a right place by now: my mom was back in prison where she (unfortunately) belonged, my job was awesome and I had very good friends. But I didn't think they bought it.

Chris looked at me and winked at me. She was smiling all the time too. And each time, I saw her smiling I felt a little lighter. She told to the guys to let me alone. As the only girl of the gang, they listened to her… for a few minutes. As soon as she went out of the locker room, Tan and Luca came back and asked me so many questions.

"How is she?" "For how long?" "Is she pretty?" "How did you meet her?" "Is she really a she?" "Come on bro, tell us more!"

I couldn't stop laughing. "Come on guys! Why is there always a girl with you? Why can I just be happy because for once my life is not only about drama and crisis?"

They remained silent for a moment and went out of the room. I was finally alone… That was when Chris came into the room and jumped on me. She kissed me. OMG it felt so good!

"Aren't you afraid someone surprises us?"

"I've checked before coming. Deac is back home, Tan and Luca went to a bar and Hondo is in Hicks' office. I couldn't wait to be at home."

We kissed again. My hands touched her tiny body and I forgot about all the mess we had to clean during our work day. We finally got apart. I loved watching into her deep, intense, ebony eyes. She left first. Then I went out of the the room and went to my bike and drove to my apartment. I needed new clothes. There, I saw Luca who was in the yard.

"You're finally at home! I haven't seen you there for a while!"

I knew he wanted to know where I went every night, where I vanished for days, why I was always smiling. To avoid this list of questions, I distracted his attention and asked him about Kelly and her mother. He flushed so hard I already knew the answer. Luca was in love with this woman. I was very happy for him. He was such a good guy, he deserved to be happy.

He offered me a beer. I couldn't refuse. I texted Chris to tell her I was gonna be late because I stayed a little with Luca. She asked me if she could come. I would have loved to tell her to come but we needed to be discreet. How could we have justified that she came to North Hollywood while she was leaving at the other side of the town?

It was a nice night but I felt relieved when I got back to Chris'. She was waiting for me in the coach watching a TV show. I took off my jacket and my shoes and lay next to her. I hugged her. She kissed me on the cheek and smiled. I hugged her stronger. We were just where we were supposed to be. Life seemed so easy when we were together. I felt like nothing could happen to them as long as we stayed side by side.

Days passed and then weeks. Chris and I were always together. Our couple (because we were a couple, I still couldn't believe it was true!) was stronger as ever. I love spending time with her. She was the most important person of my life and I thought she knew it. Some said it was not a good thing to be always together days and nights but it suited me.

At work, we tried to be as discreet as possible. I often had troubles to get away from her. I would have loved to touch her, to hug her, to cuddle her but it was impossible. Being together was already a violation of the SWAT rules and we had to live with this sword of Damocles over our heads every day. But since the moment we had confronted and accepted our feelings for each other, we both understood we could never live apart.

I almost lived at Chris' apartment even if we didn't talk about this. I spent all my nights with her and only went back to my place to take something I needed. Luca saw me come and go, smiled every time I took some new clothes, books or games. He saw my room was getting emptier and emptier. But he remained silent. We both knew it was the end of an era. Kelly and her mom spent more and more time in the house while I was clearing my room out.

Our lives were more and more intertwined, linked. Chris insisted I met her uncle Sarzo and the rest of her family. I was not sure it was a good idea. Not that I didn't want to know Chris' closest ones but was it a good idea when we tried to keep our relationship secret at SWAT? What if someone saw us? What if someone in Chris' family knew someone who knew another person who knew someone at work? I might have been paranoid but I didn't want to lose what we had just built with Chris. It was too priceless.

But I needed to meet her family. And I deeply knew she felt the same way. The next weekend, I met Uncle Sarzo, Auntie Lina, cousins Thomas, Maria and Angelica. Chris grew up with them and I could feel all the love they shared. It was beautiful to see so much love, so much respect between people. I didn't want to disrupt this moment of peace so I stayed apart. I loved seeing them so heppy to be reunited.

A man came close to me. "Hi young man ! Why are you staying apart? Come and join us! By the way, I'm Sarzo, Chris' uncle and you are?"

I didn't know what to answer. "Um… Hi I'm Jim, Jim Street. I'm a friend of you niece… Sorry I didn't want to…"

Uncle Sarzo took my arm and led me up to the rest of the family. Chris smiled at me. Uncle Sarzo kept asking me questions. I tried to stay as vague as possible. I couldn't call her my girlfriend. Not yet. Not here. Sarzo winked at me. "Thank you for making my cariῆa so happy. I've never seen her so glowing, so peaceful."

I remained alone in the middle of the yard. I was both anxious and relieved another person knew about us. I finally joined Chris. My hand brushed her and I felt like an electric shock through my body. She was my girl and I was happy she brought me to her family.

The rest of the day spent so well. I figured out I had a lot of common points with Thomas. We both loved bikes and cars, dreamt of drinking Japanese whisky and of going to Australia! I also discovered Chris had given him her bone marrow when she was 12 because he had leukemia. This little chit of a woman amazed me days after days. She never told me about this. I guessed she would have never did. She was too shy when it came to her personal life.

He also told me about Chris being kidnapped by a gang at the age of 15 because they had thought she was the girlfriend of a rival gang leader, how she had been scared to go out of the house for months, how she had feared for her life for years and how this event convinced her to become a cop because she wanted to change the world. We spent hours to talk. It was like I had always known him. "You're a good guy, Jim. I'm glad my cousin found someone like you. But don't tell her, she'll say I'm a weaky!"

This evening when we got back to Chris' apartment, I was fine. As I drove my bike, I realized I had finally found my place: I was with the woman I loved, we were living the best of our lives and I was the happiest man in the world.


	30. 15 - Fifteenth part - Secrets - Chris

Fifteenth part: secrets

Chris John Newman - Losing Sleep

I couldn't believe it was true, I couldn't believe it had happened. And yet I was there in his arms. I was huddled against his warm body . And you just had amazing sex! The days when we were at odds seemed so far away and I wondered why I had pushed him away so far away. He was my everything. I understood that by now. No matter how far I would push him, I would always be brought to him.

Days passed so fast since I was with Street. Each morning we went to work. He took his bike. I took my car. We had to be careful not to be caught. But it was hard not to hug or kiss during the day… I really liked feeling Street's body under my fingers, his breath in my neck and his tongue in my mouth. Sometimes I loved to wait for all the team to be gone and jumped over him in the locker room. I felt like a high school girl dating the bad guy her father didn't like.

What killed me the most was that I couldn't tell anyone how I felt. I had never experienced something like this. I was as excited as I was peaceful. I felt calm and happy. I had a goal, I knew what to do with my personal life and most of all I had someone to share. I was not as smiley as Jim. I saw what the guys were doing to him. I tried to remain serious an focused as I used to. It was not easy because I was happy. But I had to pull the wool over.

Several times, at the end of the day, I went to the locker room when I was sure Jim was alone and I locked the door. I needed to feel his skin under my fingers and to kiss, to hug him. It was a way to forget the crazy world we were living in….

I loved when we spent the night cuddling in the coach watching TV shows or movies. I never thought I would love to o that one day. I was always the king of women who liked to move and do things all the time. But with Jim it was different. I loved enjoying time with him doing nothing, just being together, side by side.

Some evenings he had to go to his house to pick some new stuff. And he always stayed with Luca to drink a beer or just hang out. And I was alone in my apartment. It was weird. I fought so long to remain alone, moved at the other side of the city, kept my feelings inside and now all I wanted was to spend all the time I could with him. Was I crazy? No… That just must be what being in love meant.

The other night, he came home with pizza, beers and a new video game! That was his way to wish us an happy anniversary. I had completely forgot it ! Already three months together. And it felt like we had always been together.

This night we made love. We were so connected I almost forgot where I was for a few moments. I lay my head over his torso when we were done. It was like a ritual. Each time, we ended our precious intimate moments I lay my head over his torso listening to his heart and he brushed my hair with his hand. I loved these stolen moments. I felt peaceful and I thought he felt the same. This night when we finally let our feelings out, it changed everything.

Months spent and we were still hiding our relationship. Things got complicated. We were acting more easily. We were closer and closer and nobody had to know… At least at work. I asked Jim to come with me to the annual barbecue of my uncle Sarzo. I knew it was a lot to ask, we talked a lo,ng time about being private but I explained to him it was important… I could go there with my best friend after all… He agreed to come but asked me if any member of my family was linked to the police. He was so cute when he worried about us. I liked to see his dimples growing deeper. The way he worried let me think he really cared about our relationship and I was glad to see I was not the only one to cherish our story more than anything in the world.

The next weekend, we went to my Uncle Sarzo's barbecue. Hicks and Hondo gave the whole team some days off. The last days at work had been very demanding and we were all very tired. This barbecue was the perfect place to take some good times away from criminals, gangs leaders and dealers.

I was so happy to see my whole family but I could feel Street was anxious. He didn't say a word since we left the apartment and he was looking at everything around us as if someone was going to erupt and see us. I didn't like seeing him like that. I took his hand and pressed it. He smiled at me and I smiled at him. We didn't need words to communicate.

I went first and entered the yard in front of my family's house. Uncle Sarzo, Auntie Lina, cousins Thomas, Maria and Angelica were already there preparing the barbecue. As soon as they call them, they all came to me and we hugged. I loved them so much! They had always been my rock... Even more after my mother and my father died.

I stayed with my cousins. We had so much time to catch. I didn't see the time fly. When I turned back, Street was not there. He remained alone in the bottom of the yard. He didn't dare to come with us. He was so scared and I let him alone. My uncle sarzo came to talk to me. He had always known when I needed to talk.

"So … This is a friend?"

His question disturbed me. I didn't want to lie to my uncle but I had to. If our secret was uncovered, it would mean the end of us as teammates and it was unbearable. "Yeah… This is Jim Street, my best friend I've already talked about him…"

"I see… This must be a very GOOD friend. This is why you bring him here with you." He winked at me. I knew he knew who Jim was to me. I also knew he wouldn't tell a word about us because I had never brought this kind of friends to his house. He walked away and went by Street. I didn't know what he told him but a few moments later, Jim joined the whole family. I was happy to see all the people I loved reunited in one place.

Time passed and I noticed Jim was still alone. He surely didn't want to stay too close of my family in case he said something that would compromise both. He came near me and brushed my hand. It was so sweet, so warm. I couldn't stop looking at him and at the moment, I didn't care if somebody saw us. It was just he and I.

From that moment, everything went well, even better than everything I had imagined. Jim talked with my cousins, laughed and even made jokes. I was discovering a new man. I let him alone. He needed to know the people I loved the most on Earth and needed to get to know them by himself. I stayed with my cousin Angelica an she told me about her new job in Universal studios, how the theme park was amazing and how she had just seen Sylvester Stallone the other day. I loved her. She was crazy, talkative, natural. I would have loved being like her. I had been like her and then, my parents passed away and I became more withdrawn, serious. Being with her helped me to remember the child and the teenage girl I had been and the woman I dreamt to become one day.

Tonight, when I lay near Jim in the bed, I understood at what time I was lucky. He managed to see who I really was. He managed to break my shell. He managed to make me happy. As I lay, he grabbed me and held me tight. We knew we had reached aother level in our relationship. From now on, no one could ever break us.


	31. 16 -Sixteenth part - Caught - Jim

16 – Sixteenth chapter – Caught – Jim

Jim

Song : Keane – Somewhere only we know

Chris and I have been together for 9 months! I could believe it and I had to repeat this sentence in my head at least a hundred of times. One year ago, we were at odds because of a kiss which was just the results of our feelings. One year later, we were almost living together and in a relationship.

Each day, I measured the chance I had to share my personal and professional life with such a strong woman. Of course, we sometimes fought.. It was such a natural thing for couples! But I knew we were stronger as ever.

I don't know when we were caught. All I knew now was that we had a decision to make. But let's go back to the start. I was sure we were discovered in the locker room. Even if we had been really careful since we had started to see each other, sometimes we needed to be closer in the locker room. Chris often came after everyone was gone to kiss or hug me or to tell me she was glad I was in her life (I was sure it was her way to tell me "I love you"). And we remained together alone for a moment. The problem was I never knew how much time we spent there because time fled where we were together.

Tonight, Chris and I were sitting in her coach and we were speechless. We had known for ever that this moment would come. But now it was there, it was hard to react. She took my hand and held it strongly. I could feel all the love she had for me by the strength she had in her tiny hand.

Yet, the evening was going well. Work was harsh today but we managed to finish not so late so we went to our favorite pizza restaurant and ordered our favorite pizza. We were already acted like an old couple but I didn't care because as long as I could remember I had never been happier. As soon as we got home, We changed into our pajamas and lay down on the sofa to watch a movie while eating pizza. It might not have been the most glamorous evening but for me, it was the most perfect ever. But it was before someone knocked at the door.

Chris went to open the door and I hid in the bedroom. It was the way we did for months and it always worked. I heard Tan's voice. What was he doing here? When we left the headquarters earlier, he told "see you tomorrow". So why was he here in Chris' apartment? I remained hidden in the dark for minutes until Chris went and asked me to get out of the room. I didn't understand. What was she doing? We were supposed to stay hidden. And that was at that moment I understood: Tan understood everything.

I entered the living room abashed. How had this happened? We were so careful! We sat on the coach. Tan was facing us. As neither Chris neither I were talking, Tan started.

"Guys… I didn't want to hurt you… Believe me when I'm very happy for you. I was rooted for you two since Street came into the team. I have also known you were sharing a special connection. It was so obvious since the moment you met. Despite the arguments and the disagreements, nothing could go against your connection… And I don't want to be the one who…"

Chris was the first to talk. She was strong, she was brave. She looked at Tan in the eyes and asked him how and when he had figured out. I could see the tears in her eyes.

"I… I saw you after shift a few days ago… I had to go back to the locker room because I had forgotten my keys and… I heard giggles… So I checked and you were there… You were hugging…And kissing… And hugging again. I took my keys and left the room… When I was home, I talked with Bonnie. She knew I was hiding something from her. I was way too quiet… And then I told her everything. I made her promise not to tell anything…"

Chris kept looking at him in the eyes but I was still looking at the floor. I took her hand. I needed her force to look up. I looked at Tan. He smiled at me.

« I am sorry if I scare you but Bonnie helped me to understand that once you find the good person, you have to fight for her".

He stared and then winked at me. I immediately knew he knew how much I cared for Chris, that she was my everything.

"I don't want to force you to do anything And I won't say a word to Hondo or anyone in the team about you. But if you want to build something solid, something long and stable, you'll have to tell him and to confront the fact that working together in the same unit is impossible".

Chris pressed my hand harder. I knew that it was her worst nightmare. We both knew one day, we'd have to tell our hierarchy that we were together. This day would also mean the end of us as teammates. We couldn't have the cake and eat it. The time of the choice had come…

Tan got up and went to the door. I went after him and stopped him as he was going down the stairs.

"Tan, wait"

He came back to me. He smiled. He was like my brother, I felt like I could tell him anything.

"Hey bro, I'm very happy for you. Chris and you were meant to be. I was rooted for you since the beginning. But I'd rather tell you… Because one day or the others, you could have been caught by someone else who will have reported everything to Hicks. Now you can decide when and how you'll announce to everyone the good news… Because it IS a very good news"

I remained speechless. I knew he was right. I knew it was a good news. I was just sad to lose one of the best teammates I ever had.

"I love her, you know."

He nodded.

""I don't want to lose her. She's the best thing that had happened to me since… forever."

"I know, bro. Before I knocked at the door, I looked at you through the window… The way you look at each other, the way she smiles at you, the way you hold her hand… You ARE in love. You ARE love. Eyes don't lie!"

He pressed my arm and wished me a good night. To say the truth, I didn't know if the night was gonna be good. All I knew at the moment was that we had a decision to make and that to keep the woman I loved I might have to lose the best job I had ever had.


	32. 16 -Sixteenth part - Caught - Chris

16 – Sixteenth chapter – Caught

Chris

Song : Dido – Here with me

I thought we had found our rhythm by day, by night, when we made love and when we were just chilling. I never thought I would say this one day but I loved doing nothing and lying next to my man. Life was easy. For the first time for a very long time, I was happy. It hadn't been the case since… my parents died. I had been very happy when I entered SWAT of course! It was one of the best achievements of my whole life. But being with Jim.. It was a different kind of achievement, it was as if I had finally found the piece of me I was looking for ever.

Every night, Jim went to my apartment. We almost lived together. But neither of us dared to say it aloud. Probably because we couldn't believe any of this was real. We played videogames (OMG I so loved playing since I was a child!), watched movies and talked for hours. We shared about our jobs, our family lives. He told me about his mother… Days after days, he told me more and more things about his childhood, his violent dad, his unstable mother, THE moment his life changed forever. He explained to me how his life in the foster families was, how he suffered from loneliness.

That was the first time I felt so close to someone. I listened a lot. I was a good listener. But I had troubles to talk about what happened to me when I was a child or a teenager. I knew my cousin Thomas told him a lot about me when we went to the barbecue. He was smart enough not to ask me about it. I would tell him eventually, just not now. But I would tell him because he was the only one I knew I wanted to share my stories with.

Tonight our lives changed forever… I knew it when I heard the knocking on the door. At this very moment, I panicked. Who could come at my apartment at this hour? It was never good news when darkness fell.

I went to open the door while Jim hid in the bedroom. It was Tan. What was he doing here? He rarely came to my apartment. That was disturbing and I didn't know what to say.

"Hey! What are you doing here? Any problem?"

"You know why I'm here Chris..." And he entered the room looking for something. Looking for Street. That was when he hit me… Tan knew about Street and I. I didn't want to lie to him. But I wanted to protect my relationship with Jim because it was the most blooming, stable relationship I had ever had.

"Just tell me the truth, Chris. I know he's here with you, I heard and saw you in the locker room…"

I nodded. What else to do? I was tired of lying to my friends, my teammates. I was happy for the first time in my adult life and I didn't want to hide it anymore. My decision was taken and I hoped Jim would be on the same wavelength. I went to the bedroom and asked Jim to follow me. He looked abashed and didn't under stand what I was doing. Unless, he followed me and we sat in the sofa, facing Tan.

Tan started to talk as Jim and I remained quiet. I couldn't tell what he said. I was in such a blurry world. I heard sound but I couldn't explain or describe them. I was far away in my head. I was remembering all the happy moment I had already spent with Jim. And I was imagining those I wanted to spend with him. I felt tears rolling down my eyes.

"How and when did you figure out for Street and I?"

The question went out of my mouth without I was able to stop it. I needed to hear clear and concrete things. Tan described how he caught us in the locker room. It was three evenings ago. We had had a very complicated day and I met Jim in the locker room to hug him. I needed to feel comfort after what we had seen. He saw us kissing and giggled. There was no mystery to hold anymore. We were given no choice. We had to confront the truth.

I felt Jim put his hand in mine. It gave me strength. I was no longer alone. I had someone to lean on. Tan kept on talking. He was right. We needed to tell the team about us because we couldn't remain like that. If we really loved each other, we would overcome everything. But I was scared, I was terrified by what was gonna happen. I had never been in love with someone, I had never felt what I felt when I was with Street. And I didn't want to lose what I had now. And I thought at that moment, I crushed Jim's hand…

Jim got up and followed Tan outside. I stayed alone in the living room. I could see them through the windows. They were talking and Tan was making big gestures. I knew they were talking about us but I didn't know what they were really saying. I remained motionless for a while. I had to process the information, analyze what options we had. My head was hurting do much. I had troubles to breathe. I never felt this way before.

I had been happy when I was with Thompson. I had been happy with Ty and Kyra. I never denied what I had lived with them because they had made of me who I was today. But with Jim, it was different, a new feeling, a new way of seeing life… I was… blessed ! I remembered all the happy moments I had shared with him since we were in a relationship: the night watching TV, playing cards, eating pizza, doing nothing at all. When he was brushing my hair with his fingers. The way I ran into his arm when I felt sad or tired and how it felt good to just be here listening to his heart beating.

The moment I feared the most was finally here. I had to choose between a job I had always dreamt of, a perfect team I considered as my brothers and the man who changed my life, man who learnt me what love meant and that I deserved to be fought for.

Right now, I didn't know what to choose. I doubted I would have the answer one day. But as my uncle Sarzo always said "you can't have the cake and eat it"….


	33. 17 - 17th part -New beginning JimVSChris

Seventeenth part: new beginnings

Jim

Desi Valentine – Fate don't know like I do

I was stunned. I couldn't speak. I stayed outside of the apartment for hours. I sat on the stairs and processed what had happened. Tan knowing for us was a warning: we were less and less careful and it was difficult for us to hide from now on. We had to decide what we wanted to do with our relationship.

For me, everything was clear. I could live without my job but I could NOT live without Chris. She always believed in me even when I thought I was a loser. She helped me with my mum. She fought for me when I was lost. I needed to tell her what I felt. She probably knew how I felt about her even though I never said it loud to her.

Why didn't I tell her? I must have been too shy! She was the first girl who made me feel that way.

I went to the apartment. Chris was in the bed. She was not sleeping. I knew she was as puzzled as I was. I lay down next to her and pressed her in my arm. She took my hand and pressed it too. I stroked her cheek with my fingers. I could feel her tears. She was crying. It meant something. I heard her sobbing. She was like me. She was broken. I pressed her tiny body harder against mine. I wanted to show her she was not alone this time. I was there with her and we were gonna confront this together.

She felt asleep. I watched her sleep for hours. I couldn't sleep. She was beautiful. She seemed to be peaceful. At that moment, I knew for sure I was not gonna give up what I had just built up with this woman. She was the person in the world who knew me the most, who could read between the lines and anticipate what I would need. The only one I could tell everything, the only one I laugh with. The only one. Period.

I finally fell asleep. Tomorrow would be another day. Tomorrow we will have to take decisions even if mine was already taken. This night I slept well near the woman I wanted to be with me for the rest of my life.

_Chris : _

_Song: Moon Taxi – Good as Gold_

_I was like frozen on the sofa. I couldn't move. I just remembered Jim gave me look before he went out after Tan. I was stunned. I knew the moment, this moment will come back and I selfishly thought It would come later, so much later…_

_All the moments – good as bad – tumbled in my head. The time had come, I had to decide what was the best for me, for my future. I had always loved my job, perhaps sometimes too much. I had always loved being in the action, running after the bad guys and sending them to jail. It had been a part of my life since almost 15 years. And it will be for many years to come. _

_And on the other way, I met a man, a good man who really loved m, who really got me for who I was. A man who did everything for me. A man I had a lot of things of common. A man… I loved. This last confession scared me a lot because I had never felt that way before. Of course, I had had lovers in the pars. I liked them, some more than others. But I had never really loved someone before Jim. It took me years to admit it but now that I was aware of this feeling, I didn't want to let it go away. _

_I didn't like dilemma. I ever had. I always had been a damned indecisive person. Especially in my personal life. In my professional life, I was more direct, more cutting. In my personal life, it was a different story. Surely because it involves parameters I couldn't control._

_All these thoughts made feel dizzy. I eventually got up from the coach and went to my bed. Everything was always more comforting under my quilt! And when I was here, nobody could see me cry… The warm tears were rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't stop them from going out of my eyes. I repressed some sobs. That was when I felt Jim was lying next to me. I could feel his body against mine and I felt better right away. It didn't stop my sobbings but it helped me feel a little bit better._

_I felt asleep quickly after Jim came by my side. And I knew what this meant. Whatever the love I had for my job, my love for this man was stronger… And right at this moment I knew what I had to do. This night I slept well, deeply well. I dreamt a lot. I imagined Jim and I together, not hiding. Just the two of us walking in the street and being a normal couple in LA streets. _

_On the morning, I woke up early. Jim was sleeping holding me tight. I liked these moments when we were so close. Life seemed so easy since I was with him. Life was worth living when I was with him. Life was simple… _

_Today was gonna be a day which defined the rest of my life and I was ready for it!_


	34. 17th part - New beginning - Jim&Chris

Seventeenth part: new beginnings

Chris and Jim

Song: Imagine Dragons – Only

Jim finally woke up. I smiled at him. "Good morning, Sleepy beauty!" He kissed me on the mouth before I had the time to say anything else.

"Good morning, you! You're awake since when?"

"Almost an hour. Been waiting for you. " She pressed his hand. "I think we need to talk…"

She was serious. He was either. This talking was necessary. More than necessary, it was gonna define what they were to each other. Each one knew how it was important to stay focused and to share every feeling they had. Before, each of them would have feared to talk like that. Not anymore.

"I'm happy of what we are. I'm proud of what you've built… I'm…" He stopped as she took his hand and placed it against her chest.

"And I'm not ready on giving upon us." As she smiled at him, he jumed on her and kissed her deeply.

"I'm not either, Chris. You know that, right?" She answered me by kissing more deeply. We stayed like that for minutes. Our frontheads were against each other. Like the time we first kissed in my backyard, that time our relationship changed forever.

We talked for hours. About our work, about pour relationship. About combining our relationship and our job. About how telling to the others one of them had to quit the team to go to Rokker's one.

"It should be me. I should be the one to integrate another team. I arrived last in SWAT. And you did so much to be on the team. You have made history and I don't want to break that."

"And I don't agree with you. I'm a grown-up woman. And I can choose what I want to do. Of course I love being in Hondo's team. And I love being with you. Today, I… We have a choice to make. And I know it'll be hard whatever we choose. But I also know that what we had it's…" I lost my word. My eyes were wet. When I was with this man, I couldn't control anything.

He dried my tears with his fingers. "What we have is something so precious… And I don't want to lose this."

"Maybe we should go to SWAT and tell everyone. And we'll see what happen when we go to see Hicks after that?" She felt relived for a while. It was already time to go to work.

Later that day, we arrived both on my bike. Why did we have to hide anymore? We were about to say the truth. We are gonna be official in front of our colleagues and I was so nervous. She was too. She pressed my hand. "Everything's gonna be alright. You know that?"

"I do know that. That's just so weird to finally tell the truth…"

"And relieving! We're gonna be able to live the best of our lives. No need to hide, we could go everywhere we want to go, when we want to go…"

I knew Jim was right but I had never taken such a big risk. And I was gonna do because if right now, I was very sure of something, it was I did love James Street!

We entered the building as teammates and joined the team in the locker room. Everyone was there including Tan who nodded at us. Just the time to exchange a look and we were in.

"Hey guys, can we have your attention for just a second?"

Tan smiled. He understood it was THE time. Deac, Hondo and Luca stopped talking and turned to us. Now that all these eyes were looking at us, we were less brave than we had decided to be. Luca broke the silence.

"Hey, what's up?"

Chris and Jim exchanged a look. It was time, they could not go back. "Guys, Chris and I have something to tell you. We talked about it for months now but a fact made us understand it was time to do it now… Since a few months…. Chris and I are … dating…. And things are going very well and …"

"And .." Chris' hands were shaking. Jim grabbed them in his. "And we don't want to hide anymore…Even if it means one of them has to switch team."

Hondo, Luca and Deac looked at us puzzled for a while. Then all smiled.

"Congrats guys, it's awesome" Luca shouted. "Always knew you have a special connection" Hondo added. "You'd better be good with her, little boy! She's like a daughter to me!" Deac said. Finally Tan came by us and hugged us so hard we were thinking about fading.

We smiled. This moment we were so scared of was passed and everything was fine. Chris squizzed my hand. Jim squeezed mine. For a moment, we lost track of time. When we came back to reality, the team was laughing at us.

"Look at these lovebirds. They are on their own cloud and they don't care about us anymore !" Hondo teased us. We laughed. Yeah maybe he was right. Neither of us had already felt this way. But Oh God it was exhilarating.

"We all know you were close. And deep down inside, we all knew one day you becoming a couple could be a possibility." Tan finally admitted.

"To be fair, when Street came into the squad, years ago, just after you two met, we all bet on the date you'll be finally together" Luca laughed so hard, he must have woken up the whole neighborhood.

We burst into laughing. Then we became serious. "Jim and I have to leave you for some times just time to tell Hicks about us and to decide which one of us will switch team from now on…. We have not decided yet. Despite hours of talking, despite all the pros and all the cons, we don't know yet what to do…"

"You could tell Hicks tomorrow. No need to hurry up, kids." Hondo finally told us before inviting is night, we had the time of our life. We laughed, we talked. We were with our friends and we were together as a couple in a public place. We even kissed and no one told us we were not allowed to. We were normal. It was normal. And it seemed so obvious.

The day after, we arrived SWAT first. We changed in the locker room, shared a kiss and then went to Hicks' office. He was not there yet. So we waited until he came. When we saw him at the end of the corridor, our hands –that once were strongly attached - pulled apart. It was time. We nodded.

"You wanted to see me?" Hicks asked.

We entered Hicks' office. Neither of us told a word but we could read in each other's eyes.

"Chief, we would like to talk about something with you. That's why we asked your secretary an appointment" Chris didn't stop talking. She knew that if she stopped right now, she might not be brave enough to tell what she had too.

Hicks sat at his office and invited Chris an Jim to do the same. "What was this important for you to see me so quickly? Nothing important? You didn't screw up on field, did you?"

"No chief. We just wanted to talk about something more… Private…"

Chris stopped talking. Hicks looked at us in the eyes. He was curious. We both could see that.

"We would like to…. Tell you about … Our relationship…. Chris and I are in love… We are a couple and we don't want to hide it anymore. We already told Team David about it. And we know we're gonna have to work in different teams. And we both agree to that."

Hicks remained quiet for a while.

"Molly told me about you months ago. She told me before leaving LA it was just a matter of time before you two being in sync with your feelings. She was right. That's my daughter, she's brilliant! Don't feel bad, Street. She's not angry at you, not at all. She loved being with you. She has just arrived too late. That's her word. True story"

Chris and Jim remained silent. They were both stunned. Molly who broke Chris' heart when she had started dating Jim was finally their guardian angel. Who could have believed that? Certainly not her!

"Go to work, Kids. I'll talk with HR to know how we're gonna deal with you two being a couple. In the same time, be safe and I don't want to see you warbling in SWAT headquarters!"

We got of the office wondering what had just happened. Chris remained silent as always. I was not in the same mood I needed to talk. "That was… not what I had expected!"

And all of a sudden, we burst into laughing. We couldn't stop. We were so afraid of this moment. We were so stressed and it was over and everything was fine. Chris pressed my hands and smiled. Jim pulled her towards him. Her faces were so close and they kissed. Right here in SWAT headquarters where all started. Right here in front of the chief's office. And they didn't care if someone saw them. At that moment, they were only the two of them and it was enough.

A few days after, Hicks called them in his office. The HR had decided of their future.

"Thanks for coming, kids. I discuss your situation with the HR, that's why Miss Lopes is with us today."

She nodded at us to say hi. Hicks kept talking: "Miss Lopes wants to hear if you have decided anything about your career and would like to propose you an arrangement if you have no idea what to do."

We looked at each other. "Chief, Jim and I have been talking for days, even weeks now. And we can't decide which one has to leave Team David. We both want to because we don't want to break the rules but we both have troubles to decide because we love this team too much. And it's getting worse with time because we overthink about it and it's making us crazy."

Miss Lopes wrote a lot on her notebook while Chris was talking. Then she started to talk: "I read your files, both of you and you are two excellent elements of LA SWAT. Alonso, you made history by being the first woman to ever enter SWAT and since your arrival, your service record is exemplary. Street, you had troubles at the beginning but since you had been reintegrated, you have been a really good agent. It has been difficult to choose."

Chris grabbed Jim's hands. She was so stressed. Having no control over her future? It was terrifying! Jim was anxious too. He squeezed her hands to let her know he was feeling the same way.

"Then I saw that as an opportunity. I met the mayor of LA last month and she was asking me about women in police. How many of them were in the police? How they were perceived? And yesterday, she called me to tell she decided to create a new task force inside SWAT. A task force who could take in charge all the crimes only a woman can understand like rapes, abductions or abuse… And I gave your name as the new leader of this team, Alonso."

Chris and Street looked at each other. Both as surprised as the other. They had imagined a lot of scenario but not this one where Chris got a team of her own.

"What are you thinking about this, Miss Alonso?"Miss Lopes asked. "You can take your time to answer but I need to know your answer by the end of the week."

Chris pressed Street's hand. No word needed. They both knew she had to accept this offer. It was the chance of a lifetime and they chose her!

"I… I… Accept… I am very flattered.. But Why me?"

"You do an amazing job every day at SWAT in Team David, Chris. It was only a matter of time before you get your own team. Hicks added before anyone else could say something.

"I call you to give the details and we'll have to meet for you to create your team."

Chris nodded. "Can I suggest some names? Can I recruit people I know, people I trust like Erika Rodgers?"

"You can do everything you want, Chris. It's your team."

When she heard Hicks' words, Chris couldn't hold back her tears. All her hard work was finally rewarded. Jim came closer and whispered in her ear: "You so deserve this, my little tiny warrior". She didn't think and fell into Jim's arms. Here, in front of Miss Lopes from the HR, in front of Hicks, her boss and father of his boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. Some would have said it was weird. At this moment, it was the only thing she could think about, it was the only place she wanted to be.

Time was come to tell what was going on to Team David. For Chris, it was the end of a chapter in her life but the start of a new exciting one. Of course, she won't be able to work with those who became over years he family. But she will always see them. And she was about to get her own team! Who could have believed that when she registered to become a SWAT agent that one day she will lead a team?

"Congratulations, sis!So happy for you! You deserve it, you kill everything!" Luca shouted when Chris learnt him the news.

"So happy for you, Chris" It was Tan's turn to congratulate her. Hondo came and hugged her" Well done, Chris! I always know you were the best of us".

Deac was the last to come, his eyes were wet. "Gonna miss you, Chris. You know you're like a daughter to me". Her eyes were wet too. He hugged her strongly. Before he let her go, he whispered in her ear: "You deserve all that happen to you, Chris. Hope you know that… And if you don't, I count on Jim to tell you how wonderful you are…"

"Don't worry, Deac. He does it every day".

"So I think you find the right guy…"

Chris smiled. Yes, she does. She fought her feelings for Jim for so long and it was once she allowed her to love Jim for real that her life made a true watershed. She – for sure – was a lucky girl even though she had worked hard for it.

She raised her head. Street winked at her. She joined him and took his hand in hers. No need to hide anymore. SWAT had brought her everything in her life. She loved four of her teammates as brothers, she was in love with the fifth of them and in a few days, she was going to take the lead of the first SWAT tactics team. Her new life had just begun…


End file.
